Bible Teachers Weep At What Others Sow

In Proverbs we are told to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Given the training a lot of our children receive (or apparently don’t receive) these days, that proverb has me worried.

I spend a good part of each week working as Christian education director at our church. My job is to further the faith knowledge and development of everyone in the church, from babies to older adults.

That sounds kind of daunting, but we all work at it together and help one another on our faith journeys. It’s a delightful occupation for me and one I take seriously.

No doubt I’ll take it even more seriously after finding on the Internet some answers given by students who took a Bible knowledge test.

The Internet message didn’t give the age of the students or other details, so I can’t vouch for the test’s validity. But if the results are even half true, Christian educators have their work cut out for them.

For instance:

The first book of the Bible? It’s Guinessis, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

Samson played the Philistines with the ax of the apostles.

Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients.

Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

The seventh commandment? Thou shalt not admit adultery.

Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Harrod’s.

Paul preached acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathetic Genitals.

There you have it. The Bible as you’ve never known it before … and as at least part of the next generation apparently knows it. Scary, huh?

If we let these little children lead us, as the Bible also instructs, we might all find ourselves going to hell in a hand biscuit.