My, How Finger-Licking Gauche

Dear Miss Manners: My husband is a wonderful barbecue chef, and one of his requested specialties at our frequent pool parties is a marinated, crispy-skinned chicken.

I was appalled to see one of our guests sitting casually in front of a platter of smoking-hot chicken, stripping the crispy skin from every piece and eating it, licking her fingers as she did so. She then returned each denuded piece to the platter, presumably for the other guests to enjoy.

Miss Manners, this is not an ignorant woman. She is a graduate of a fine Eastern college for women and has an MBA degree. She is a well-regarded financial planner for a prestigious brokerage.

I am amazed that she indulged such a porcine habit so publicly. More to the point, is there a polite way to rescue future barbecued chicken for our guests who prefer their food unskinned - and unfingered?

I thought of snatching the greasy hand and giving it a quick minatory slap, along with the admonition, “No! That’s nasty!”

This seems appropriate to the immaturity of the offense, but I know Miss Manners wouldn’t allow it, and I would like to stay on speaking terms with the offender. I also thought of packing up the stripped meat in a plastic container and presenting it to our ill-mannered guest. What should I have done?

Gentle Reader: The way to protect future guests is to spare them from being invited to a gathering with someone who is so thoroughly out of civilized control.

The way to protect that person is to invite her only with those who will find her manners agreeable - possible only, Miss Manners suppose , if you are unfortunate enough to actually know any more such people.

Dear Miss Manners: My mother-in-law’s birthday present to me is an electric plate warmer. How is such a device used (as part of a formal dinner)? The manufacturer suggests warming plates right at the dinner table.

Thus far, my formal dinners have not involved presenting individual servings to each guest, but rather placing the various courses family-style in the center of the table.

Needless to say, I’m uncertain whether there is a hidden message regarding my entertaining style in the giving of this gift.

Perhaps you can enlighten me and suggest a proper thank-you to my mother-in-law as well.

Gentle Reader: “What did you really mean by this?” is not a proper thank you letter. It isn’t even a proper thought. Miss Manners suggests you drop altogether the suspicion that your mother-in-law is sending you insults in the form of presents and send her straightforward, even warm, thanks.

Speaking of warm - that is a luxurious way to present dinner plates. It is as compatible with family style service as with servants presenting platters.

Dear Miss Manners: As I try to pay with my ATM card at the grocery store, rude people in line are actually up against me, looking right over my shoulder.

I have politely asked them to step back. I have just plain said in a loud voice, “BACK OFF.” Nothing works.

This is not a sex problem - it’s men and women. And I’m a large, overweight person, so it’s not that they desire me. I had put up with their children under my feet for years, but when the adults are so pushy, I’m fed up.

Gentle Reader: Here’s what works: Stop your transaction entirely, and ask, “Excuse me, could I have a little more room, please?” And stand there waiting for them to give you some.

The reason this works is not, Miss Manners is sorry to say, that it politely calls attention to the fact that these people are being rude. It works because it makes the point that they will not get their turns until they back off and comfortably allow you to take yours.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate