Words Remind All To Be Kinder

Dear Ann Landers: I want to share a recent discovery that has made me a better person. Maybe some of your readers will see themselves.

I used to assume that a wealthy woman I knew slightly was an arrogant snob because she rarely spoke and never smiled. I also had the notion that the woman in the supermarket with the whining children was a lousy mother.

Then one day, as I stood in line at the grocery store, I noticed that the clerk never smiled at the customers and ignored polite conversation. I was tempted to tell her what I thought of her sour attitude when the elderly woman in front of me took a different approach. She said, “Honey, you look like you’re having a bad day.” The clerk looked up with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen and said, “My husband lost his job yesterday and I just found out I’m pregnant!” The lady patted her hand and said, “Dear, things will work out.” When it was my turn, the clerk had tears in her eyes, but she smiled and I felt ashamed of myself for being so intolerant.

That incident made me realize that people usually aren’t rude because they are mean and want to make my life miserable. They are unpleasant because they have problems on their mind and a heavy heart. My entire outlook on life changed that day, and I am now much more compassionate.

This change in attitude has made those around me happier, but the greatest benefit is mine. I am less angry and more serene, and I like myself better than I used to. - Older and Wiser in W.Va.

Dear W.Va.: You have written a letter that can lower blood pressure, alter behavioral patterns and make millions of people behave more civilly toward one another.

The next time I feel myself becoming impatient, judgmental or upset with someone, I’ll remember what you said.

Dear Ann Landers: I am in my early 30s and married. I have two children and a good job. My problem is, I have no friends and lack the self-esteem and confidence to do anything about it.

During high school, I was painfully shy and too scared to start a conversation with anyone. The few friends I had sought me out to be their friend but I never attempted to make any new ones.

When I’m around others, it’s almost as if I’m invisible because I am too nervous to talk to anybody and can never think of anything intelligent to say. People seem to pick up on this and simply ignore me.

I am terribly lonely and too insecure to reach out to anyone. I wait for them to call me and because I seem cold, they don’t bother. Can you give me some advice on how to make friends? - Lonely in Canada

Dear Lonely: The best way to have a friend is to BE one. Look for ways to be of help to others. Offer to take Mrs. X’s child or children off her hands for an entire Saturday. Bake a cake, or make a pot of spaghetti for a woman who is overworked or has a sick husband or child. Get your mind off yourself and look for ways to make someone else’s life easier. You’ll be amazed at how this could change your life.

xxxx