Women, Men Must Stand Against Violence

“We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.”

George Bernard Shaw

Jennifer: Our precedent for violence is as real as our precedent for speeding - who gives a camel poop or really does anything more about violence than they do about speeding?

We are not talking bonding and solidarity rituals when we talk of violence; we are talking about an affliction of the human spirit. We are talking about anger and hate doing damage. For men it is most often physical damage; for women it is most often vilification. Both inflict enormous pain - that is their intent.

What minuscule number respect any lip service to the contrary? The concept of respect itself struggles for mere survival in an environment of every type of imaginable greed, indulgence and retaliation for every real, imagined or conjured infringement.

Where are the women who raise these boys?

Dean

Jennifer: There is a problem of violence in the United States. There is little doubt that men are largely the perpetrators of violence. This simple fact does not exclude women from direct or indirect responsibility for violence.

Women may teach violence by encouraging violence, even teaching violence by inactivity, double messages or tolerance. Men as a class are not responsible for violence, but men as many individuals may be, even if all they do is remain silent in the face of violence.

Do you want to end senseless violence? Don’t tolerate it in your own life. Don’t watch violence on television or in movies. Don’t tolerate it in your children. Don’t condone by silence violence in the conversations of relatives, friends and acquaintances. Don’t accept the idea that because a sport is a game that justifies one individual’s violence toward another. Learn to know what is senseless violence and speak out in opposition to it.

Jack

Dear Dean and Jack, Your letters were among many who believed my exclusion of women from that particular column on violence indicated that I thought only men were responsible for violence. That is not my belief. I was trying to work just one section of the violence puzzle, how we reinforce violence and make it a part of the male experience. I used hazing rituals at the Citadel as my example.

One thing I learned from the letters I received is that some men are as good at vilification as the women who have written in the past. I believe there is a desperate need for lessons in handling emotions without crude rhetoric, settling disagreements reasonably, and just getting along. Your point about respect is very important whether on the street, the freeway, or in our own home. Thank you for your other comments as well.

Women do contribute to violence in many ways, some of which you have listed. Many adults carry the lifelong effects of physically abusive or emotionally inadequate parenting. We can recognize the aggressive children of such parents as early as the second grade. We know that many of them will grow into violent adolescents and adults. We just don’t seem willing or able to help them relearn new patterns of survival.

Jennifer

Dear Readers, If we agree that teaching children how to handle their emotions, settle their disagreements and get along regardless of their parenting environment is important, would you support setting up school environments that do just that? Schools could be nonviolent sanctuaries for learning how to live a good civic, work and personal life.

Would you accept an elementary school where no physical or psychological violence was allowed between teachers and students, or among students and their peers in any form?

That would mean sports (there are many) that don’t involve actual physical combat and competition that does not allow vilification of the opposing person or group. Bullies, either physical or psychological, would attend classes to relearn how to respect others. Their parents or caretakers might be asked to participate. Emotional relearning, in particular anger control, has been done successfully in research projects with children as young as 5.

We may not be able to influence television easily, but we can encourage our schools, public and private, to help us raise a more emotionally competent generation. Many schools have such programs now, but it is still very difficult to get citizen support for a complete shift to a nonviolent school model.

Jennifer

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jennifer James The Spokesman-Review