Today’s Child Needs Lesson In Pitching In

Alexis de Tocqueville, author of “Democracy in America,” defined the genius of our democracy as the willingness, even eagerness, of the average citizen to join with other citizens to do good.

The pervasive civic-mindedness to which Tocqueville referred has, for 200 years, functioned as the glue of our most paradoxical of cultures, one consisting largely of immigrants from every other culture on the planet. One became an American, in the true sense of the term, not by simply meeting the rote requirements of citizenship, but by pitching in to the work of building and sustaining community and nation. This cohesive public spirit has enabled our democratic experiment to endure - nay, thrive upon - war, depression and a host of threats from within for more than 200 years. What other hodgepodge of people can employ the collective “we” as accurately?

Public service has been our backbone. Because of it, the “we” stands; without it, we will almost surely come apart at the seams and topple in a hundred different “multicultural” directions.

In generations past, this service ethic was part and parcel of life within the American family. By age 3, the typical child was performing acts of service - aka chores - around the home. And not for money or happy-face stickers that could be exchanged for special privileges or toys, but rather for free.

Because the child was a member of the family, he was expected to contribute - and did - to the family. He was taught to ask not what the family could do for him, but what he could do for the family. The laundry? Hoe the garden? Then, and only then, was he free to play.

Clearly, that same ethic and the understandings implicit to it are not being instilled in today’s child. Today’s child learns the only person with obligations in the parent/child relationship is the parent. In a mere 30 years, the roles have been reversed. Today, it is the parent who serves. And serves. And serves.

Today’s parent thinks the more acts of service a parent performs, the better the parent. The parent of yesteryear functioned as supervisor, role model, trainer, nuturer. Today, to qualify as “good,” the parent functions as chauffeur, butler, maid, playmate, confidante, advocate, attorney, tutor, therapist and mediator, with more yet to come.

“What are your child’s daily chores?” I ask today’s “good” parent.

“Well, uh, I, uh, he’s supposed to make his bed and hang up his towels.”

Note: He’s supposed to. Meaning that if he doesn’t, the good parent will heave a sign of resignation and dutifully serve. On certain of those occasions, the good parent loses it and begins to nag, recriminate or, even worse, yell and threaten. That calls for penance and atonement, which can only be satisfied by performing yet more and better acts of service.

“I’m sorry. Mommy’s had a bad day. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. Please forgive me. I know! Let’s go to the ice cream shop together and pig out on chocolate ice cream! How’s that sound?! And on the way home, we’ll stop by Toys R Us and …!”

Georgie Anne Geyer has just come out with a book titled “American Citizens No More: The Death of Citizenship.” She attributes the demise of the public spirit to disgust with the political process, the rise of parochialism and the dumbing-down of citizenship requirements. Geyer’s thesis is right on, but to her list I would add the dumbing-down of requirements for family citizenship. The problems Geyer elucidates are nothing new. What’s new is that for the first time in our country’s history, the next generation is not being properly readied to pitch in and do the work of solving these problems. Instead, they’re being readied to expect someone else to solve them. The “we” is in mortal danger of shattering into millions of “me’s.”

All all because today’s parents want to be so dang “good.”

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Rosemond Charlotte Observer