We’re Starting To Get To The Root Of Her Problems

You read it here first (unless you’ve already seen this week’s TV Guide, anyway): Jenny McCarthy is not a natural blonde.

“I was born with white hair, which was beautiful,” the MTV vixen says. “Then in sixth grade it started changing to puke brown. By eighth grade I was a full brunette. Yuck! Disgusting.

“I stuck Sun-In on my hair and it turned bright orange. That enabled me to get my mom, who is a hairdresser, to bleach my hair.”

One time at a Los Angeles salon, she continues, “They put this mush on it and my hair got this blue tone. We rinsed it out and my hair was Smurf blue.

“I went to another salon. This guy puts bleach on my head and puts me under the dryer.

“After an hour, he goes, ‘Oh my god! I totally forgot!’ and starts to rinse my hair. I reach up to touch it and it is gone.”

Loose talk

Kellie Martin (“Crisis Center”), on attending Yale (in People magazine): “It’s really important to know that there’s life outside of acting, so you don’t end up having your show canceled and then robbing a video store or something.”

And one of these days, maybe he’ll grow up

Martin Lawrence turns 32 today.

Like they say, blondes have more fungus

Kim Basinger, meanwhile, tells Movieline magazine that her new short-short ‘do was not by design. While having her hair dyed blonder for “L.A. Confidential,” she says, her head began to burn: “I asked if that was normal, and they said, yes, it’s supposed to tingle … By the next morning I had blisters on my head and down my neck. I had to have wigs because my hair started falling off … At the end of the movie, I told the hair stylist to just cut my hair off.”

Well, we’re sure she must have been No. 51

Entertainment Weekly has picked its 50 funniest people alive, topped by Robin Williams, “a mad ad-libber for the sound-bite generation.” Jerry Seinfeld comes in at No. 2, followed by Roseanne, Jim Carrey, Albert Brooks, Eddie Murphy, Garry Shandling, Rosie O’Donnell, Richard Pryor, and - stretching the definition of the word “alive” - Homer Simpson. (Jenny McCarthy, by the way, was nowhere to be found.)

Said Joey, ‘There my papa goes, the weasel’

Former “Saturday Night Live” funnyman Joe Piscopo (also MIA from the EW list) has married his son Joey’s former babysitter, Kimberly Driscoll. “And they said it wouldn’t last!” quipped Piscopo, who has known Driscoll, now 28, since she was 11 years old. Joey, 18, served as the best man.

He’s already looking to the next degeneration

Woody Allen (No. 17 on the Entertainment Weekly list) and his semi-stepdaughter turned lover, Soon-Yi Previn, have made inquiries about adopting a baby, a source told the New York Post. However, a representative of the happy couple said, “There’s been absolutely no decision and no movement whatsoever.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino