Man Or Woman, Violence Is Wrong

Dear Ann Landers: I would like to express a different point of view concerning domestic violence.

I am a male who found himself on the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse by my wife. My wife and I were seeing a family psychologist in an effort to address our situation. I soon discovered that an abused male is viewed very differently. The therapist dismissed my wife’s violence and encouraged me to be more loving and understanding.

I set out to find a support group for battered men. To my surprise, I couldn’t locate any. I live in Denver, which takes domestic violence quite seriously. The only groups I found were for convicted male offenders. No support network exists for helping abused males.

A very important aspect in the education and treatment of domestic violence is being overlooked. The issue shouldn’t be gender-specific but all-inclusive. - Denver Dan

Dear Dan: Warren Farrell, an authority in this field, did an opinion piece in USA Today in June of 1994, in which he wrote that women are more likely to be the initiators of domestic violence, they hit men more frequently than the reverse and women use more severe methods, like tossing boiling water.

Farrell said more than 90 percent of domestic violence calls to police come from women, and while the women may land the first punch, the men hit harder and break more bones. But it is precisely because a man can hurt a woman more that women are more likely to use a weapon against a man - such as a frying pan, a baseball bat or whatever she can lay her hands on.

In a sample survey conducted by Farrell, about 60 percent of the women who were battered admitted that they were usually the ones who had hit their male partners first. Ninety percent of the men who were in abusive relationships said that the women hit first.

Farrell made a strong point that domestic violence is a two-way street and that often women hit men because they feel men can take it. But let us not lose sight of the fact that most men are bigger and stronger than their wives and girlfriends.

Frequently in domestic disputes, alcohol and drugs are a paramount factor. If a woman feels physically threatened, she may resort to using a kitchen knife or a gun to protect herself. If you ask me, except in life-threatening cases of self-defense, it is never OK for a man to hit a woman, nor is it OK for a woman to hit a man.

Dear Ann Landers: I read about this in the Palm Springs (Calif.) Desert Sun and decided it belonged in your column. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly.

It seems a Wisconsin psychiatrist charged a group therapy fee for a woman with multiple personalities. The woman then sued her former psychiatrist for malpractice and asked for $2.4 million. She claimed he convinced her that she had 120 personalities - and then charged her insurance company for group therapy.

Nadean Cool said that the $300,000 treatment by Dr. Kenneth Olson left her suicidal and haunted by false memories. Her multiple personalities included a duck, Satan and angels.

What do you make of this, Ann? - M.S.G.

Dear M.S.G.: When I read about this in the Chicago papers, I thought it was a joke. It turns out to be real life - and not very funny. The Associated Press sent out a correction, saying the lawsuit never mentioned a group therapy fee. The case was settled out of court last month. I would say Miss Cool had a pretty hot lawsuit.

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