Singles Shack Up, But Not Shackled
Is it better to be alone or to be with someone who wears your socks? Is it better to be a girlfriend or a wife? Can a woman who found love with a Classic Trekkie settle for a Trekkie Lite? Can you go from friendship to sex and back to friendship? These are some of the issues from today’s mail bag …
Tiffany: “My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. Half of that time we have lived together. Sometimes pressure from family, friends and co-workers threatens to put us over the edge, but I can honestly say I am happily nonmarried. While the tradition of marriage offers some benefits and signifies an obvious commitment, I feel we are strongly committed to each other in every other way. And there are many advantages. Not being a wife means I can be my own person, responsible for my own money and career. While we do make life decisions together, I don’t feel held back in any way. I’m never pressured to make my parents into grandparents or fill in for my boyfriend at his family functions, although I frequently enjoy doing so. The bottom line is, expectations are lowered when you’re ‘just a girlfriend.’ Besides, have you heard how much weddings cost these days?”
Lena: “I wish my partner would stop wearing my socks. He likes to wear two pairs of socks at a time and always wears a pair of mine under his. By the end of the week, I have none left. And I also wish he wouldn’t use my razor in the shower to shave the back of his neck. He never cleans it off and he doesn’t allow me to use his razor to shave my legs.”
Sheila: “I don’t have a partner and I am quite happy this way. I was abused as a child and have some trust issues to resolve, which makes having a relationship difficult. When I’ve had partners, I felt they crowded my space and robbed me of my identity. Hugs soon started to feel like I was enclosed in iron bars. Single is good. No more dinner anxiety and arguing. More time to work on myself. I know I’m not perfect and what a relief it is to stop trying. I am happy and peaceful. I have friends, pets, plants. Of course there’s no sex, but you get used to that.”
Marcy: “My first boyfriend was an avid fan of the classic ‘Star Trek’ program. He could recite lines by heart. I also liked the old episodes and we teased those ‘Next Generation’ fans we knew. After a few years we broke up and I vowed to date his complete opposite. I did. He was a ‘Next Generation’ fan and I watched a few episodes with him and thought I could grow to like the show and like him, too. But I flinched when he told me his favorite characters were Picard and Worf. My old boyfriend had always made fun of them. When he started planning our dates around ‘Next Generation’ shows, I knew it was hopeless.”
Bill: “Several years ago, while still reeling from a painful divorce, I became friendly with a woman. After several casual visits, where we talked about our troubles and helped each other through some emotionally trying times, we spent the night together. That morning, I knew it was wrong and wanted to avoid her. Instead, I told her it wasn’t right and that I felt I had used her and was sorry the romance wasn’t going to work. We both agreed the friendship and moral support were working quite well and we should continue them. Today, six years later, we have one of the best rock solid friendships I’ve ever had.”
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