Young Dating Scene Still Precarious
Say you’re a busy mom, trying to juggle kids, husband, home and job. Personal grooming has been reduced to brushing your teeth and hair. You look at those twentysomething chicks at the mall or the beach and think they have it made. Nothing to worry about except whether to paint their toenails acid green or cloud blue. Nothing to do but spend lazy hours reading Cosmo so they can figure out how to keep all those buffed stud puppies happy. Here’s what life’s really like for some twentysomething women.
Summer - “Men lie. They try to date you when they have a girlfriend. When you find out and call them on it, they lie again and deny it. My girlfriend actually hired a private investigator to follow her boyfriend. Sure enough, all those times he said he was with a client, he was with other women. Dating is like Murphy’s Law: The more you like someone, the less they like you; the less you like them, the more they like you. When you don’t like them you give off I-don’t-care vibes which are a turn-on. When you care, you give off desperation vibes, which are a turn-off. I’ve been dating since I was 17, but I always settled into a relationship. This is the first time I’ve ever dated so many different guys. At first I thought it was fun, meeting new people, going to nice places. But now, I run into old dates when I’m with new dates. I hate it. Most of the time I’m out with someone I don’t like.”
Devon -“The problem with guys is they don’t know what they want. Most don’t want a relationship, period, but they lead you on. They don’t need to settle down, they’re having too much fun. A guy who is cute can get a date anytime he wants. He sees no upside to a serious relationship. It seems like women are fighting a losing battle. Another problem with guys is that they’re not sexually aggressive enough. They don’t know how to sweep a girl off her feet, how to take control of a situation and turn a girl on. They’re too scared and intimidated.
They don’t know how to grab you and kiss you passionately. They’re too wimpy. The whole ‘90s thing with date rape and sexual harassment suits have made them scared, and made sex a lot less fun.
Blair - “As far as I’m concerned, the only guy you can trust is the one that wants to marry you. Everyone else is just fooling around.”
Anne - “I’ve been dating a guy for a month and we’re almost at the stage where we’re mutually exclusive, although we haven’t talked about it yet. We see each other a couple of times a week, but I don’t want to be presumptuous because I’ve been totally burned in the past. You can’t assume anything with these guys. But right now, everything is incredible. He’s great. He’s sweet. He tells me he feels so comfortable with me. I totally like him. But still, with a guy, you never know. I would say I’m cautiously optimistic.”
Beth - “I like to think I’ve learned as I’ve dated. I’ve started to see the warning signs. I know to avoid guys who don’t have their careers together or aren’t where they want to be. That’s a sure sign of someone not ready to settle down. It’s not that I’m necessarily ready to settle down, but I have an open mind and I want the guy to have one, too. I also avoid guys that I see out a lot, which is probably hypocritical of me because I go out a lot. But when I see the same guys out all the time, I think of them as someone who’s just into dating and not getting serious. A guy who is 30 and has never had a serious girlfriend is sending out a big sign. I never think I’m going to be the one to change that. It’s important they get along with their family. I dated one guy and he was ashamed of his family and he let me know it. He also flipped off a couple in a car because they weren’t driving fast enough for him. Big warning signs. I wondered how else he showed his temper. But the biggest warning sign is someone who can’t keep up with me mentally, who doesn’t get my jokes and can’t keep the conversation going. I want someone who can hold up their end.”