Road Warriors Steer Clear Of Don Johnson
You can’t wait to get your driver’s license. But there’s this little thing standing in your way called driver’s ed. It’s required in this state for drivers under 18.
Our Generation writers Matthew Weaver and Patrice Williamson buckled up for their road training this summer, keeping a diary of their experiences. Here are excerpts from their journals.
June 23: Today marks the beginning of the rest of my life. My first day of Traffic Safety Education. In six short weeks, I will (hopefully) be let loose on the roads of Washington. First, I must survive driving around with Matthew Weaver and his friend, Nathan. Honestly, I’m scared, but Matthew and I promised each other that if he didn’t kill me, I wouldn’t kill him.
June 24: Simulator movies should be more realistic. The actors on the sidewalks should have been running and screaming in terror, not because it would be more entertaining, but because half the people in class were driving on the sidewalk in excess of 50 mph. At least I was. Not intentionally. I sort of forgot to look at the speedometer. Also, motion should be added to the simulator seats. It is impossible to know where you are on the road because the seats don’t move.
June 26: We had our first on-road experience today. It wasn’t nearly as frightening as I anticipated. My goal was to avoid hitting anything, and I succeeded. As long as I never have to make left turns or drive in reverse, I’ll be all right.
July 1: It’s been about a week since my first drive. I have another tomorrow and haven’t been able to practice. My mother must be part lawyer. She has come up with so many arguments against her allowing me to drive. Her latest, and perhaps weakest, has been that I need to gain more experience before she gets in the car with me. Hello?! To gain experience, I have to drive.
July 2: Drive Test Two. I forgot how to turn right. I’m going to blame it on lack of practice. Mom let me drive home from the pool today, she was so scared. She made it kind of hard for me to maneuver the Blue Bomber (our mini-van) the half-mile trip home with all her gasping. Although she was visibly shaken, after the ride was over she admitted I wasn’t all that bad.
July 7: Today, we saw a disturbing film on the importance of wearing seat belts. It was the most horrifying public service film I have ever seen. The movie, made in the late ‘80s, was hosted by former “Miami Vice” star Don Johnson. After showing a gym full of high school students the difference between fictitious and real car chases, Johnson demonstrated the real life drama that can occur when one outfits two dummies in wrinkled linen suits with pastel pink shirts and sends them careening into a brick wall without seat belts. The point was clear and widely received. But, while stressing the comfort of seat belts, Johnson went one step too far for me. He demonstrated that he could make out with a high school girl while both wore seat belts. Generally, I don’t respond well to scare tactics, but if being fondled by Don Johnson is a consequence of not wearing a seat belt, I’ll wear two.
July 8: Our driving test today includes parallel parking. The thing is that we are expected to do this downtown. I don’t think we’ll be able to do it. It’s not the maneuver that I’m concerned about; I don’t think I’ve ever seen an empty parking spot in downtown.
July 15: Driving with motorcycles was today’s simulation. It was hilarious. Bikers swarmed like bees on the road, yet every one of them found a bush big enough or street dark enough to conceal themselves just long enough for me to hit them. It was great fun. I took out about eight motorists and still managed a 45 percent on the test.
July 21: Today we studied emergency situations. This was drivavision at its cheesiest. We were put in situations I can’t imagine ever happening in real life. Of course by saying this I’m probably jinxing myself. Though I can’t help but wonder how often someone’s engine bursts into flames.
July 22: As I motored my way through the streets today, Matthew and Nathan were outlandishly chatty. At one point in their never-ending and extra-loud conversation, Matthew admitted he forgot what he was talking about. I explained that when one forgets what they are talking about, one should stop talking. Mr. Fink laughed and I drove on - into the wrong lane, that is. Luckily, there was no oncoming traffic.
July 29: I did it! Just barely, but I passed the last driving test. I knew I would do well on most of it, and I did. But my parallel parking was disastrous. I was up on the curb with both of my back tires. At that point I knew I had blown it so I pulled away and kept driving. Obviously parallel parking is not worth very many points because I still passed.
Aug. 1: The last day of class has come and gone. Forcing myself to class every morning was a challenge. It was bad enough I had to wake up at dawn to catch the bus, but the STA made it even worse by running an ad stating “you only have so many summers off,” which reminded me that I do only have so many more summers off and I’m spending this one on a bus.
Anyway, it has been a good experience because it has increased my confidence on the road, and that must be apparent because my mom now offers to let me drive.
MEMO: See related story by Matthew Weaver under the headline: Road warriors / As important as potty training