Your Children Rarely Need The Best In Life

When I was 9 or so, my bicycle broke and, unable to fix it, I asked my stepfather if he’d buy me a new one. Several days later, we were at a bike shop where I perused the selection and finally decided upon the one I wanted. When I showed it to my stepdad, he told me I’d been in the wrong section of the store. “You don’t need a new bicycle,” he said. “A used one is good enough for now.”

I was, naturally, incredulous. When I protested, he said, “Come with me. I want to show you something,” and began leading me out of the store.

In the parking lot, we walked up to his car. “Do you remember when I bought this car?” he asked.

“Earlier this year,” I answered.

“Do you know what year’s model it is?”

It was used when he bought it. I got the message. Back in the store we went and I picked out a good used bike. Dad bought a new seat and some fancy handle grips for the bike. When I got it home, I set to work with polish and fine sandpaper. By the time I rolled it out for its inaugural run around the neighborhood, no one could have told it was used without a fair amount of scrutiny.

Could my parents have afforded to buy me a new bike? I think so, but then I’m fairly certain they could have afforded a new car, as well. They just didn’t believe in extravagance, and they certainly didn’t believe I should enjoy a better standard of living than they were willing to provide for themselves.

Today, when I share childhood experiences with my peers, I am constantly reinforced in the impression that my parents’ attitude toward such things was far from unique. Most ‘50s parents, it seems, felt the needs of the family came first, the wants of the children came a distant second, if second at all.

How times have changed! All too often, today’s kid wears better clothes than his parents, drives a better car and is allowed to spend a disproportionate share of the family vacation budget. Is it any surprise that today’s kid is likely to display an inflated sense of his own importance, a lack of charity toward those less fortunate, and an intolerant attitude toward adults who don’t give him his way?

That, by the way, is representative of how veteran teachers typically describe today’s spoiled brats. It would appear a generation of children whose parents wanted to provide them with more opportunity have dedicated themselves, as parents, to providing their children with more things.

It is every parent’s responsibility to teach his or her children a fundamental, untransmutable law of reality - actually, it’s one law in three parts:

1. You cannot get your bread buttered on both sides.

2. There will be times when you won’t be able to get it buttered on either side.

3. There will even be times when you won’t have a piece of bread.

Whether you earn $4 million a year or $40,000, it is your duty to your children (and our culture) to teach them these reality principles.

In other words, the “richer” you are, the more important it becomes that you not completely share your standard-of-living with your children. Instead of sharing your success with your children in material terms, share with them the skills and values they will need to eventually achieve success on their own.

I call this the Principle of Benign Deprivation. Deprive your child now, and he or she will be better equipped later to strive and thrive!

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