Unlocking Fun In Florida Key West A Pleasant Mix Of Eclecticism And History
I am leaning over the homeless man, reaching out to deposit loose change in his cup, when his beeper goes off.
Welcome to Key West!
Think of the mainland as an amusement park ride, tilting one way then another, and Key West is the lowest spot. Anyone without roots or an anchor eventually slides off the end, to be deposited here, the southern most point of the continental United States.
Drifters, misfits, wanderers, truth seekers, unemployed circus acrobats - a truly eclectic mix. And, they rarely leave.
The population of this tiny island shares a kinship. Strange is acceptable, off-center is normal. Everyone belongs and is acknowledged with a smile and a nod, even fashionably dressed visitors. After all, this is a place who’s birthright is of pirates, runaway slaves, wreckers, and smugglers of everything from guns in the Civil War to a little ganga and dreaded Cuban cigars today.
A walk down Duval Street, though often crowded by tourists, is revealing. Like the island, everything is pleasantly a tad off kilter. Kids call it “funky.” Colors don’t match. Architecture is indefinable. Signs make little sense. Tattoos for women and pony tails on guys - even five-year-olds. The homeless wear pagers and carry fishing poles to ensure dinner. Country-western shares a stage and even a musical set with reggae.
Styles mix 1950 or ‘60s with Tomorrowland, though sandals and tee shirts are the chosen day wear, even for business. If you stop to talk politics or philosophy, you discover a blend somewhere between rugged individualism and pacifism, sometimes in combination but rarely in moderation.
To outsiders, Key West is an attitude - flippant, fun-loving, eccentric and always friendly. It has more character per capita than any place you can think of.
Parties are definitely in, and to ensure at least one extra per year, Key West ceded from the United States in 1986. “The Conch Republic” declared its independence, the result of a flap with federal border agents. Though a lengthy and colorful story, suffice to say that in a matter of days the new republic declared war on the U.S., never fired a shot, never suffered a casualty, surrendered, demanded $2 million in war reparations, lost the border patrol, and gained a new holiday.
Every night of the year the “conchs” celebrate - a ritual unparalleled in the Caribbean. An hour before sunset, like lemmings shifting continents, everyone migrates westward to water’s edge - Mallory Square, Front Street and Sunset Pier.
The Key West tradition is to send “old sol” into the ocean for the night with an abundant dose of rum, merriment and music. In the minutes before sunset, the arriving crowd is entertained by an assortment of hat-passers ranging from a one-man band and fire eater to magicians, jugglers, acrobats and characters of often indeterminate sanity, lending an “it can only happen here” aura to the gathering.
Perched on Havana Pier opposite famed Sunset Pier, sipping sombreros and watching what seems like a million bodies jammed together dancing, drinking and celebrating, you can’t help but think the weight of this much humanity will surely tilt the little island enough to take on water. The sunset is not always in great form, but most don’t even notice. The “entertainment” is committing the worst imaginable imitation of Garth Brooks, playing to 300 turned backs, but by the time the sun sets and the third round of drinks is poured, no one cares.
Closer to Havana than Miami, Key West is the southern most point of the mainland United States, a city of 27,000 people and the only legitimate Caribbean Island connected to anything by a bridge. It’s not noteworthy for great beaches or fabulous resorts like other jewels of the Caribbean, but Key West is festive in its own way, like a fading lady with too much makeup and too many rum punches.
Even the lodgings here - a delightful mix of historic, friendly guest houses and B&B’s, family motels and small resorts - are an eclectic bunch, short on stars but long on color and personal touch.
The biggest party of the year is the Hemingway Days birthday celebration in late July, when the great one’s old haunts, his look-alikes and even his bar stool are revered. Hemingway came to fish, and like so many transplanted islanders, just couldn’t leave. He wrote many of his best books here, between morning fishing and drunken stupor’s at Sloppy Joe’s Bar. Others who came and fell in love with conch life include Capote, Maughm, and even Harry Truman, who had a winter White House on the island.
For a long time, per capita income in Key West was the highest of any city in the United States. Early wealth came from pirating the departing European vessels often laden with cargoes of gold and gems. But in 1820, the young federal government decided to end this line of work.
Legitimate pirating was replaced by a whole new wrinkle - “wrecking.” Simply put, locals would trick passing vessels into an unplanned collision with the island reef, then rush out to lay claim to the salvage - and maybe rescue the hapless crew, if convenient.
Eventually, despite furious opposition, the Coast Guard built a light house and navigation aids on the island, and another industry died. This was replaced by a flourishing Cuban cigar knockoff trade, and a legitimate sponge-harvesting business (until the sponges ran out).
The independent island attitude ran right through the Civil War when, despite being the most southerly city, Key West fought on the side of the Union.
As recently as 1988, when federal officials tried to stop what they perceived as a nasty new industry - drug running via Key West - islanders again reacted with determined but good-natured opposition to Uncle Sam’s meddling, demonstrating that islanders take seriously their self-image as citizens of the Conch Republic.
Key West still has only a select following. Despite beautiful tropical weather, there are no great beaches. And, to many, beaches are what islands are about.
Certainly there is world-class fishing, great diving, fabulous dining and night life, ample attractions to fill the days, and no shortage of water and land sports. You can always soak up sun around the motel pool or, if determined to find a real beach, bicycle out to Fort Zachary Park. But to know Key West, you have to simply “hang out” for a few days.
Absolutely essential is a tour of the old historic district, including the island’s special sites and unique architecture. You can walk it yourself, but if you like company, ride the famous conch train. Also popular is renting a bicycle or motor scooter (the island’s preferred mode of transportation) and zooming around on your own, or with a crowd of other crazed two-wheelers. But beware: Key West has more two-wheeled accidents per capita then any other U.S. city.
If the island starts feeling a little claustrophobic, the remaining Florida Keys stretch away over the blue seas like a string of pearls drifting back toward Miami. Along the way there’s an abundance of old forts, beaches and water sports for distraction. If you like natural sites, try exploring places like Looie’s Key, the Marquesas or the Dry Tortugas.
For gourmets, it should be noted that the term “fresh seafood” is not a cliche here. There are a variety of places to enjoy it, with the grungiest sometimes the most delightful. Popular local items - besides famous Key lime pie, properly prepared - are bulk quantities of clams or peel-and-eat shrimp.
Accommodations on Key West run the gamut. You find cheap motels, basic chains (i.e. Holiday Inn, Best Western, etc.) and genuine resort wannabes often side by side. But the island’s size, lack of beaches and some unwritten local rule seem to hold back the biggies that cultivate much of the Caribbean.
To really savor Key West, though, one of the many small, character-laden guest houses or bed-and-breakfasts are in order. Friendly hosts make you feel you belong. Historic residences, lush gardens, unique architecture coupled with antique decor and in-town locations add to their appeal.
At present, the conchs are at peace with the United States, so visitors to Key West need not worry about their vacation being interrupted by a naval blockade or border-closing.
At worst, you may find yourself suffering the infliction of a suntan, ponytail, hangover or, in severe cases, an acute bout of “conch fever,” whose main symptom is extreme anxiety about having to leave the island and go home at all.
MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: IF YOU GO Getting there: You can fly into Miami International Airport on almost any major national airline, and rent a car inexpensively (with advance reservations, $89-$159 a week) for the very scenic three hour drive through the keys and across the Gulf of Florida over some of the longest bridges and causeways in the world. If you prefer, you can fly directly into Key West after changing to a smaller plane at Miami or Fort Myers. Where to stay: The most luxurious choice is the Hyatt Key West, with a great downtown location on the water at $195 a night. (1-800-233-1234) Marriot’s Casa Marina (1-800-626-0777) or the Reach Resort (1-800-874-4118), both with excellent accommodations and a touch of beach are also excellent luxury options with rates from $199. For ambiance, a town location and good value, consider the tiny conch-style Banyan Inns (1-800-225-0639), starting at $130. Economy choices for families include the small Key Lodge Motel right in Old Town (1-800-458-1296) at $75 a night. A bit more contemporary though out on the north end, away from the bustle of downtown action, are the Hampton Inn (1-800-HAMPTON) at $105 a night, or the Comfort Inn (1 800-228-5150) at $69 and up. Rates listed are basic doubles now through Christmas. For the best deals, remember these are “rack rates” and you will do much better buying a package combined with your air fare. Finally, for a real conch experience - and the author’s first choice - contact the visitor’s bureau for a selection of flyers from any of dozens of unique small inns and B&Bs. Write to Florida Keys and Key West Visitors Bureau, P.O. Box 866, Key West, FL 33041, or call (800) FLA-KEYS. To shop hotels on the Web, hop to www.flhotels.com/keywest