The Slice ‘Tis The Season To Stop Kissing

It’s time to come up with a new ‘neath the mistletoe tradition.

Because in 1997, nobody in his right mind is going around planting big kisses on strangers.

Any suggestions?

Eye on Spokane: “People getting off the STA bus (at least the routes I ride) thank the driver for the ride,” wrote Mike Storms. “I don’t see that on the Tri-Met buses I ride in Portland. Strange thing, the Portland bus drivers are not as nice either.”

Example No. 982: The voice on the Delta Air Lines’ automated flight information system assaults the ear with the “Spo-cane” pronunciation.

Dim bulbs: A friend of Fran Polek’s in Mississippi sent him a list of expressions meant to describe someone who isn’t too bright. You know, “He was not the sharpest knife in the drawer,” and such.

Here are a few examples, some of which you might have heard.

“His belt didn’t go through all the loops.”

“He was a few peas short of having a casserole.”

“His Slinky had a few kinks in it.”

“The cheese had slid off his cracker.”

Anyway, this got us thinking. What would be an equivalent expression, based on local references?

All we could come up with is, “He’s a couple of marmots shy of having a herd” and “The burning light is green but he’s out of firewood.”

We suspect you can do better.

Stephanie Jenson wants people to know that she’s not crazy: A couple of weeks ago, she did a bunch of errands while unintentionally wearing a hot pink sweater inside-out. Though the tag showed and the seams definitely didn’t look right, she was oblivious to all that until she got home. Then her daughters emphatically pointed out that she wasn’t wearing the sweater in the approved fashion.

David A. Emerson’s proposed name for an SUV designed specifically for the Inland Northwest: Suburban Sprawler.

Here’s something that gets old in a hurry: Tom Verd was trying to sell a 12-foot aluminum boat. Someone would call and make an appointment to take a look at it. Then that person wouldn’t show up. “This happened over and over,” he said.

What ever happened to calling to say you won’t be able to make it?

Today’s Slice question: What business held the all-time most out-of-control office Christmas party in Spokane history?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Jan Brandvold wonders if anyone attending U-High has ever tried to get a date with a stranger by saying “I’m a university student.”