The Slice She Must Be Kept Abreast About Retakes
A friend overheard a Spokane grade school girl express displeasure with her school pictures.
“I look like Dolly Parton when she was 11 years old.”
Who’s the richest man in town: “My husband, Ken Finn,” wrote Debbie Finn. “His two grown daughters and his wife absolutely adore him. So does his dog.”
Reasons to drop people from your Christmas card list:
1. You never have any other contact with them.
2. You can’t remember if you even like them.
3. You would prefer that they not know where you live.
4. Your card always guilts them into sending you one in January, just when you’re already depressed.
5. You can’t think of one single personal thing to say to them.
Reasons to keep people on your Christmas card list:
1. You never have any other contact with them.
2. Because you are guided by a philosophy of acceptance, forgiveness and love.
3. Your list is already embarrassingly short.
4. If you send them a card, they might mail you one of those hilarious “All about our wonderful, successful family” Christmas letters.
5. It’s the least you can do.
‘Tis the season: In the past, we’ve discussed the psychology underpinning the practice of saving your warmest coat for truly frigid weather. (“Saving” being defined locally as “Never wearing it.”)
But we fear a similar “I’ll wait till it gets REALLY bad” mindset informs another decision-making process around here. And this one has more dire consequences.
A certain percentage of this area’s drivers think that slowing down when the winter road conditions are only slightly bad would be tantamount to knuckling under to the weather.
You can almost hear these people asking, “Well, then what am I supposed to do when the roads are REALLY treacherous?”
That’s simple, you morons. You slow down even more.
They’ll never do that, of course. Because these nitwits are protected by the anonymity of being in their cars, they’ll opt instead to zoom right up on the rear bumpers of those driving at a sane speed on icy streets. That’s the familiar attempt to bully drivers into going faster than road conditions warrant - all part of the Winter Wonderland we call Life in the Inland Northwest.
Today’s Slice question: What would happen if Christmas carolers made the rounds in your neighborhood?
, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. We can’t print everything. But we listen to each phone message and read every letter.