Two-Year-Old Boy Who Hits Is Under Control Of His Impulses
Q. I have a 20-month-old son who repeatedly hits other children in his playgroup. There is one child in particular, whom he usually goes after. I have carefully observed the situation, and can see no reason for his behavior. Neither my husband nor I hit our son, although he will hit or grab at us on occasion if he is upset. I have tried separating him from the other children, firmly holding his hands and saying, “We don’t hit.”
I have even tried focusing my attention on the victim, asking if he’s OK. Nothing I’ve tried seems to work; his hitting behavior resumes shortly after he rejoins the group.
We have been part of the weekly playgroup for five months. I’m a stay-at-home mom, pregnant with my second child. I suspect my son may be using his hitting behavior to get my attention. I believe this group is important for both of us socially. I would appreciate any suggestions you have.
A. Understanding what he’s capable of accomplishing helps you know how to respond. The behavior of 2-year-olds is under the control of their impulses.
The brain develops the ability to monitor and mediate impulses around age 4. Parents have to provide the restraint on aggressive actions until the mental abilities are developed enough to take over.
Learn to watch his interactions so you can anticipate his aggressive acts.
This gives you a chance to distract him and lead him to another activity or away from a likely victim. The moment he hits another kid, take his hand and lead him out of the group.
State the rule, “You cannot hit others.”
Isolate him for five minutes. If he hits again, make him play in an area away from the others. Isolation doesn’t eliminate aggressive behavior, but it lets him know he has to pay the consequences.
Kids rarely hit other kids for attention. Their impulses are not governed by logic or planning.
Ask the mothers in the playgroup to help you curb his hitting. Tell them to stop your son if they see become aggressive with another child. They’ll appreciate your concern and your invitation to help out.
Giving attention to the victim is thoughtful and may be appreciated by the other mothers, but it is not a “lesson” that will change your son’s behavior.
Give your son tasks he can do, so he develops a sense of achievement. Catch him being good. Compliment him when he’s helping others and playing well.
Q. My little boy, who is 10 months old, has started to mimic our dogs. A few weeks ago, he started crawling around while holding his bottle between his teeth. He’s tried picking a few of toys up with his mouth. Just a couple of days ago, he started growling. Because my husband and I work separate shifts, he’s home with one of us, and the two dogs, most of the time. He loves playing with the neighbor kids or watching them. He also loves to watch the dogs wrestle.
Is this a fairly normal stage of development where he’s mimicking everyone and everything? Will he realize that the dogs are animals and he’s a person?
Also, some people think its great to get down on all fours and encourage him to growl. Should we be encouraging it?
A. It’s completely normal for kids to mimic animals. Copying actions and sounds is one of the early methods of learning.
He won’t be confused about whether he’s a person or an animal. However, I would not encourage his dog-like actions. This is a way of making fun of his immaturity.
Arrange for him to play with other kids regularly. Read books aloud that include many animal sounds.
Take him to the zoo and introduce him to more animals. Soon his interests will broaden to include a greater variety of animal friends.
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