Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News
Welcome to the All-Clinton-Scandal version of Bottom Lines
First topic: Kenneth Starr flip-flops on whether he will leave special prosecutor’s job. He changed his mind when he discovered a law school dean can’t indict a first lady, but can only give her a really bad grade.
Frankly, I don’t understand all the Hub-bub
Next topic: Shocking developments regarding former Clinton administration official Web Hubbell. First, he vows to take the Fifth Amendment in House testimony, and now he says his insulation is peeling and must be repaired by astronauts. (I’m not sure I have this scandal completely straight).
If those historic walls could only talk …
Next topic: New allegations regarding influence-buying at the Clinton White House. Some smaller Democratic contributors, who couldn’t afford the Lincoln bedroom, were “sold” two minutes each in the Lyndon B. Johnson Guest Lavatory, although White House officials said they received “no special treatment.”
Supreme Court divided along big-hair and trailer-park lines
Next topic: Supreme Court justices appear divided on the Paula Jones lawsuit. Some justices believe that her case should go forward promptly, while others believe that $100 bills should be used to lure her case out of civil court and back to trailer court.
So many scandals, so little space
Final topic: Oops, we’ve run out of space. There are simply too many Clinton scandals for one edition.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos
MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.