Cheap Seats

You know you’ve hit it big when…

For Vikings running back Robert Smith, true celebrity is being asked to make a guest appearance on “Mystery Science Theater 3000.”

A long-time fan of “MST3K,” Smith became the first guest star ever on the cult TV show, which features a lost-in-space human and his robot sidekicks wisecracking about cheesy movies. He appeared as a “mute hunk” in a “Planet of the Apes” parody.

“I’ve definitely arrived,” Smith said. “Being a Viking pales in comparison with this.”

Hey, being a Viking pales in comparison to changing your socks.

Talk about contaminating the crime scene

The best Dennis Rodman story of late comes, as usual, from New Jersey Nets spear carrier Jack Haley, who said he and Rodman went on their own O.J. Simpson tour after the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Simpson’s arrest in 1994.

Haley said they talked their way past the police at Simpson’s Rockingham estate when one of the Lakers ballboys, a friend of Simpson’s son, Jason, recognized them and asked them to come inside.

Said Haley: “I was walking up the walkway looking for blood and clues. We walked right past the Bronco.”

Haley said once inside they saw Simpson’s mail piled up because he was in jail.

“Right on top, there was O.J.’s phone bill,” Haley said. “I was thinking about ‘A Current Affair’ and ‘Hard Copy.’ I figured the Paula Barbieri calls were in there and it had to be worth some money.”

Then came the big moment.

“Dennis came straight out and asked Jason, ‘Did your dad kill her?”’ said Haley. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Haley said Jason said no.

And we thought it was O.J. looking for the real killer.

Truth in advertising

Funny skirmish in Chicago, where WMVP, the White Sox flagship radio station, paid for a billboard near Wrigley Field that reads: “Major League Baseball, 8.1 Miles South.”

“We’re flattered they are so concerned with the Cubs to make us a centerpiece of their ad campaign,” marketing director John McDonough said.

A check of the attendance figures suggests the discerning Chicago maven prefers minor-league baseball.

Maybe it should have been a sport coat

When Wilt Chamberlain was introduced along with the NBA’s top 50 players during ceremonies at the All-Star Game, he was wearing a Lakers jacket, and not the jacket of the Philadelphia 76ers - though he played more years in Philadelphia (with the old Warriors and Sixers) than in L.A.

“Can you imagine that?” Chamberlain said. “I didn’t pick it.”

We’re surprised Wilt didn’t take himself out of the game, the way he did as a Laker.

The last word …

“The A’s have already signed Jose Canseco and most experts feel Jose still has enough power to come back home and break all his old speeding records.”

- Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo