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Saturday, June 6, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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And you thought you had heard it all…

But just in case you were ready to accuse us of ear-responsible journalism, we dug a little deeper and discovered these juicy tidbits about the Bite of the Century:

The Hannibal Lecter law

Mike Tyson is lucky he didn’t square off against Evander Holyfield in North Carolina.

Had Tyson chomped on Evander Holyfield’s ears there, he might have been charged under a 243-year-old law that prohibits biting or cutting off ears, cutting noses or other maiming.

Violation of the law is a felony that 11 people were charged with last year. The penalty: 20 months to five years in prison.

In May, a Salisbury, N.C., furniture worker was charged with maiming for biting off the end of a co-worker’s nose.

The law against maiming grew out of the “rough-and-tumble” fighting style that was popular in the western Carolinas, Kentucky and Tennessee in the 18th century.

The original bite-is-worse-than-his-bark dude

Conrad Dobler used to hold the biting title. No more.

The man once dubbed “the dirtiest player in pro football” by former St. Louis Cardinals teammate Dan Dierdorf couldn’t believe his eyes as he watched the pay-per-view telecast of the Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield fight.

“Everyone was in total shock,” said Dobler, who once bit Minnesota Vikings defensive tackle Doug Sutherland for sticking his fingers into Dobler’s face mask and trying to gouge his eyes. “If he (Tyson) was mad at (referee) Mills Lane, he should have just gone out there and grabbed Holyfield by the back of the shoulder blades and head-butted him. Open up a cut over his eye. Then you are even. You play within the gray rules.

“He might have gotten a point taken away. But you don’t bite a guy’s ear off.”

Dobler, who lives in the Kansas City area and owns a health services company, watched the fight with friends at his home. All kidded him that there was now a more famous biter than he in sports.

“They were all saying, ‘You are supposed to be the expert on biting, and all of a sudden this guy comes up,”’ Dobler said. “Hey, I was only into finger sandwiches. I just nibbled them a little bit. No one ever paid me $30 million to bite someone. And I just bit. I didn’t chew.”

Yeah, like Dave was going to ignore this one

Top 10 Mike Tyson excuses, according to David Letterman:

10. Got a little carried away after seeing “Face/Off.”

9. Really wanted to win first prize on ”America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

8. Like this doesn’t happen every year in the Masters.

7. Whenever Moe bites Curly’s ear, it’s hilarious!

6. Has to do this kind of thing to compensate for the fact that he talks like Melanie Griffith.

5. I guess you’ve never heard of a little thing called “strategy.”

4. Ears is tasty.

3. “It was self-defense - he wouldn’t stop punching me.”

2. “Disqualified” sounds a lot better than “got his ass kicked all over the ring!”

1. He ran out of gum.

Will he follow stupid human tricks?

Mitchell Libonati got a piece of the champ, and now he’s appearing on Letterman.

Libonati, 27, is scheduled to appear on “Late Show with David Letterman” tonight.

Libonati discovered the part of boxer Evander Holyfield’s ear that Mike Tyson bit.

Libonati, an MGM Grand employee, was mopping up the ring when he found the piece, picked it up with Latex gloves, and raced to Holyfield’s locker room to return it to him.

When Holyfield received the segment of his ear, he wrapped it in the plastic glove and put it in ice. It was lost during the ambulance ride to a hospital.

The last word …

“The only thing missing from Mike Tyson’s performance Monday were The Platters singing “Yes, I’m The Great Pretender” in the background.”

- Ron Borges, Boston Globe

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