Camp Brings Kids Back To Earth

Three.

Two. One. …

Houston, we have a problem.

Instead of a much-anticipated blastoff, the lone rocket squats on its launch pad, looking about as airworthy as an Idaho spud.

Not to worry. Commander Dave Howe, wearing a blue jumpsuit emblazoned with numerous NASA patches, is trained to handle just such emergencies.

He leans over and grabs the missile. He wriggles its base. I’m pretty sure the crew of the Apollo 13 never thought of this maneuver, but it works.

The rocket violently lurches upward like a scorched weasel. It soars into the heavens over this north Spokane play field, spraying Commander Dave during liftoff with a jet of water.

Dave grins. Kids cheer.

Another small step for science.

Mars may be as devoid of life as the moon or Ritzville, but Commander Dave’s Mars Camp is plenty lively.

Coinciding with the Pathfinder’s robotic mission to the red planet, the weeklong Mars camp at Bryant Elementary School tries to give members of the “X-Files” generation an appreciation for the scientific process.

That’s a tough proposition these days. Commander Dave blames Hollywood and TV for filling young minds with crop circles and clammy outer space creatures such as Jabba the Hut or Oprah the Winfrey.

Impressionable kids, much like Clinton cabinet members, have lost the ability to discern the difference between fact and fiction. Or even Chinese influence peddlers carrying bags of payoff cash into the White House.

“It’s troublesome because you have to find a way to get past what kids think they know,” says Commander Dave. “You have to somehow part the seas and gently show kids that there is no real scientific support for the science fiction stuff they see in the movies.”

The media doesn’t help. National TV, for example, recently gave more airplay to conspiracy-minded wackos commemorating an alleged UFO crash in New Mexico, than it did to the real Mars landing.

All this Roswell nonsense has been thoroughly debunked. Yet it is still presented as fact by Saucer People posing as journalists. (Dan Rather is from Uranus, you know.)

It’s up to unsung, feet-on-the-ground heroes like Commander Dave to reel our confused youth back to reality.

On Tuesday, 26 Mars campers in grades four through six watched NASA films, built models of the planet Mars and made water pressure-propelled rockets out of plastic pop bottles. There’s another session next week and there are still openings.

Alas, Commander Dave and his teaching assistant sidekick, Mission Specialist Julie Paddock, have light years of work ahead of them. By a show of hands, nearly all of their students believe Earth is a KOA campground for weary space travelers.

“Aliens look a little different than humans,” says 10-year-old Max Towery. “Bigger heads and different eyes, mainly.”

Space aliens have been hanging around Earth for eons, claims Luke Pederson, 10. “That’s probably what happened to the dinosaurs. The aliens gave them heart attacks.”

Some children actually credit alien technology, not science, with such modern wonders as microchips, Velcro or The Clapper.

Does Commander Dave have the right stuff to lead these kids into the blessed harsh light of the science lab?

Maybe. During the year he teaches the Young Astronauts course beamed via satellite to 1,500 students in classrooms scattered throughout 33 states. It’s part of Spokane’s Educational Service District 101, which transmits hundreds of hours of instruction to dozens of schools around the country.

At least that’s Commander Dave’s story.

“It’s a government cover-up,” says Max Silver, 11.

The truth is out there. Trust no one.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo