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So what’s to celebrate?

If the Bulls win the NBA championship, Chicago police want all the shots and steals confined to the court.

During last year’s victory celebrations across the city, 51 people were charged with felonies and 38 buildings were looted or broken into.

There were so many shots fired into the air, Mayor Richard M. Daley said at the time, that it sounded like New Year’s Eve.

While the impromptu celebrations have become more tame than they once were, they’re still a major worry to the city.

“Without a doubt, some people will use this as an excuse to make trouble,” police spokesman Paul Jenkins said.

Whereas Dennis Rodman will use it as an excuse to buy a new Versace - gown.

Oh Brian, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz

In five seasons with the Chicago Cubs, pitcher Frank Castillo is batting .108 with nothing close to an extra-base hit.

Three years ago, teammate Brian McRae bet Castillo that if the pitcher ever homered, McRae would buy him a Mercedes Benz. The deal was if Castillo hit a batting practice homer, he would get the car. If he somehow homered in a game, the car would go to his wife Tracy.

“It was a pretty safe bet,” McRae said.

But Castillo finally connected.

During batting practice before the Cubs game against the Cincinnati Reds, Castillo hit a pitch from coach Billy Williams into the left-field family section. Then, he homered again, sending another Williams pitch into the seats near the 368-foot marker.

Shortstop Shawon Dunston suggested Castillo buy one of the flagship 600 series Mercedes Benz priced from $126,000 to $140,000. Or Castillo could start with something more modest like an introductory Mercedes at $31,000. McRae reminded teammates that he gets to pick the car. Castillo just wants something in black.

Doesn’t Mattel make a Mercedes Hot Wheels in black?

Par for the courts

Criminal Court Judge Stephen Bevil was checking the scores from a charity golf tournament in Chattanooga, Tenn., when he noticed Clint Wolford was only five strokes off the lead.

Good golf. Bad decision.

Last year, Wolford pleaded guilty in the 1992 death of Rodney Walker. For his plea, Bevil suspended Wolford’s four-year prison sentence for vehicular homicide on the condition he serve six months on work release. Wolford could work during the day, but had to spend the rest of his time at the county workhouse.

Wolford told the judge he was only playing golf to improve a business relationship with a customer.

The judge didn’t buy it. Wolford will serve the rest of his term in jail.

Setting the speed at 5.0

San Antonio point guard Avery Johnson said his household went crazy when the Spurs won the NBA lottery, providing them with the chance to draft Wake Forest center Tim Duncan.

“I haven’t seen my wife run that fast since she was on the treadmill,” Johnson said.

The last word …

“You can probably name more Pirates of the Caribbean than you can Pirates of Pittsburgh.”

- Syndicated columnist Norman Chad

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo