The Slice She’s Training To Be A Doctor’s Wife
“You asked in an earlier column about having someone in the office who makes constant references to ‘my boy/girl friend,’ ” began a fax from a Slice reader.
“Our receptionist must hold the world’s record for constantly referring to her boyfriend and somehow finding a way to turn every conceivable conversation around to the fact that her boyfriend is a DOCTOR. She has it down to an art form. The rest of us in the office like to eavesdrop on her conversations with new visitors to see how long it takes her to work in the fact that her boyfriend is a DOCTOR.
“She knows every medical term. Going to the doctor is no longer needed because she also makes a diagnosis on every ailment (this is, of course, based on her extensive knowledge gained by sleeping with a DOCTOR). She has mentioned several times that she wants to marry this DOCTOR… We wish her well but wonder what we would do for entertainment then.”
If a new religion got its start in the Inland Northwest: It would spring from a time-honored tradition, suggested Mike Kilgore. He said the faith would be called “The Lake” and parishioners would be known as “Lakers.”
Kilgore didn’t stop there. He said different denominations would be called “Priest Lakers,” “Diamond Lakers,” “Twin Lakers,” et cetera.
Fundamentalists would include cabin owners. Local evangelical meetings would be “The boat show.”
A fringe element might be called the “Jump-Off Joe Lakers.”
And religious holidays would include the opening day of fishing season, Memorial Day, Labor Day and the Fourth of July.
Today’s honesty report: A shopper at the Office Depot across from NorthTown inadvertently gave a cashier two stuck-together $100 bills. The cashier handed one back.
New Yorker cartoon: A guy is in a hospital bed. Next to him, his wife is asking the doctor, “When will he be able to sit up and take criticism?”
Warm-up questions: Would it catch on if, in the manner of Seattle’s perspective on the Bellevue area, Spokane residents started referring to the Valley as the Eastside? What percentage of teenage girls would be utterly incapable of verbally expressing excitement if denied use of the phrase, “Oh, my God!”?
Today’s Slice question: Is there any event left for which people around here still dress up?
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing
MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. We really like that Spokane Humane Society public service announcement featuring the cat grabbing for Charlie Schmidt’s bow tie.