The Slice We Should Charge For Use Of Our Day
Seeing as how Father’s Day is a Spokane invention, it’s too bad a royalties deal couldn’t have been worked out long ago that would have ensured that the city received a cut of all profits made by any American business exploiting the day.
Cha-ching!
Smell that smell: You know that KKZX-FM commercial on TV featuring someone playing a nun and various others reciting raunchy dinosaur rock lyrics? Well, you might have wondered what message that’s supposed to send. So we’re here to offer some possibilities.
1. You’re old and out of it. But the music you like still offends.
2. Vulgar sexual innuendo is art.
3. It will always be 1973.
4. Listen to this music and maybe people won’t realize your life is laughably boring.
5. You aren’t a rebel now. You weren’t a rebel then. But, hey man, crank it up! Don’t stop rockin’.
Despite what some believe: A lifetime of being screwed up doesn’t necessarily qualify a person to become a counselor.
Just 10 of the many things we’ve been wrong about:
1. We thought the Philadelphia Flyers would win the Stanley Cup.
2. We were sure The Inlander would fold after about 10 months.
3. We felt certain that TV’s “King of the Hill” wouldn’t be any good.
4. We just knew that Dexter Amend was a goner but Chris Anderson would be in office forever.
5. We didn’t think we could possibly become more weary of seeing Michael Jordan’s face.
6. We didn’t have any doubt that the Swell Paper’s endorsement of Bob Dole last year would put an end to the hilarious assertions that the newspaper is decidedly liberal.
7. We feared the Auntie’s move and expansion was too ambitious.
8. We thought Helen Chenoweth couldn’t top herself when it came to gaffes that embarrass the entire state.
9. We assumed lattes were a fad.
10. And we thought Washington state would say to the Seahawks and Mariners, “So long, don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.”
No cigar: A bank teller in Colville said she liked Joseph Barreca’s colorful checks. He said he got them from Greenpeace. An adjacent teller asked “Isn’t that the group that keeps making interest rates go up and down?”
“No,” explained Barreca, after a moment. “That’s Greenspan.”
Today’s Slice question: Do you want our frank critique of your wedding invitation? (Send it in.)
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Instead of “plastics,” what’s the one word of advice to say to 1997 graduates?