Here are a dozen things that can’t be blamed on the public schools.
1. This area’s seemingly insatiable appetite for oldies concerts by groups that include maybe one original member. 2. For the most part, you get to see Q-6’s Bev Carr only on weekends. 3. Those one-third page ads attached to the Sunday comics section. 4. The way people smack car doors into other vehicles in parking lots. 5. The fact that the shoes you want are the only ones not on sale. 6. People’s tendency to overrate their ability to mimic regional accents. 7. Idiots trying to get on the elevator before the passengers have had a chance to get off. 8. The fact that people who don’t spay or neuter their pets aren’t in jail. 9. The failure of food snobs to recognize that most people don’t want their meal to be “interesting”; they want it to taste good. 10. The fact that most guys aren’t as cute as country singer Bryan White. 11. Julia Roberts doesn’t know you are alive. 12. The spilling-over self-esteem of rock climbers.
Head case: We were at a small business the other day when the son of a long time employee arrived and created a stir with his new hair color. It was white. Not blond, white.
“At least it’s not purple,” said an affectionately smiling older woman.
Memorable invitation: Shirley Schutt of Post Falls shared one for an upcoming wedding. It’s pretty. And it includes this piece of directional advice: “Follow road and take 2nd left - look for the outhouse.”
Just wondering: Is it possible to buy a toilet plunger without having to engage in multiple checkout-aisle conversations about it?
This might sound insensitive: But we’re convinced that at least a few of Spokane’s panhandlers could have had successful careers in marketing. In particular, the guys who stand on corners with puppies show a real flair for grabbing the public’s attention.
Slice answer: What does it make sense to buy in bulk? “Golf balls.” - A Golf Widow
Warm-up questions: Besides Eddie Karr at the U-Save Auto Rental downtown, how many local men are known as “Big Ed”? Why do doughnuts taste better on Sundays? Which of your co-workers could be described as “unsavory”?
Today’s Slice question: If you affixed “fest” to your family’s last name and slapped that title on an annual special event, what sort of affair would it be?
(Turnerfest would focus on sweet onion sandwiches, watery beer and pre-‘70s Gregory Peck movies.)
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing
MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. We don’t sell the names and addresses of Slice correspondents to marketers.
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