Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

The council takes prompt action to prevent the unthinkable

Oh, sure, a lot of people are upset about the Spokane City Council’s decision to purchase the Salty’s restaurant site. Yet it was the only way to spare us, the citizens of Spokane, from a spectacle too horrible to contemplate: retaining walls.

Yes, but we’ll end up with some attractive ramp-land under a bridge

Besides, it makes economic sense. Building these retaining walls and ramps would have cost upward of $2 million. To avoid that, we bought the land for $2.78 million.

Brief synopsis of the Clinkerdagger’s issue

So, just to recap, we spent $2.78 million to prevent a restaurant, which everybody loves, from moving to a view, which everybody admires, in order to build the Lincoln Street bridge, which nobody wants.

Help in understanding

Many of us are unsure about where we stand on the ethics of cloning. The following question helped clarify my thoughts wonderfully: Do we really want an exact genetic copy of Steve Eugster?

Ay

The government is considering a new dollar coin, which it hopes will have more appeal than the old Susan B. Anthony dollar. The new Tyra Banks dollar will be on the market by 1998.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.