Super Change - ? No? Now He’s Less Of A Dork

Face it everyone, Superman is a dork!

But at least he’s not quite as dorky as he used to be. His new costume is a definite improvement.

First and foremost, it has taken him decades to figure out that it’s not good to wear underwear outside one’s clothes. It should have been immediately obvious to him that something was wrong after Madonna started doing it as well.

Next, how could a self-respecting superhero wear tights wherever he goes? I don’t care how finely built he is, a man should not fly around in front of people wearing something skintight. Superman, please, a little modesty.

Superman’s original costume was crafted by his adopted mother and, as far as I can tell, he only had one. However, while disguised as newspaper reporter Clark Kent, he always had the costume under his shirt and tie. While this allowed him to quickly change in the nearest phone booth, I think it would get kind of stinky. Even Superman has to sweat.

Okay, so the new suit isn’t great but it’s a step up. The underwear is in the right place and he lost the cape (which would seem impractical for a superhero who doesn’t want to get tangled up during combat).

Yet, the sad fact is, changing the costume will not save him. Personality-wise, he is boring. He doesn’t even have a cool battle cry.

To top it all off, he has about as much facial expression as a big lizard. Just when I think he is going to say something emotional, his tongue flicks to catch and swallow a nearby insect.

And a superhero is nothing when he does not have a super personality.

Let me end by saying that the clowns at DC Comics should not have brought him back. When I originally heard Superman was dead, I exclaimed, “WELL, IT’S ABOUT TIME!” And now, we’re back to the drawing board, new outfit or not.

MEMO: See opposing view written by Nathan Sebright under the headline: Super change - yes? no? / Change back Superman