In Her Family, She’s The Charming One
Dear Miss Manners: I attended a dinner party at which the hostess announced to her guests, whom we had just met, that of our couple, my husband is “by far the more interesting of the two.”
I was stunned, and merely responded with a sarcastic “Gee, thanks Marie.” Everyone laughed.
Frankly, I think we’re both interesting. My husband and I are both attorneys, as are our hosts, and my main career is now as a television broadcaster. We’re both good company. I cannot understand why she felt it necessary to compare the two of us, or why she felt compelled to tell her guests and her husband that she found my husband to be the more interesting. What would you have said in such a situation?
Gentle Reader: Oh, probably, “And in her family, Marie is the charming one.”
Dear Miss Manners: Is it bad manners not to greet fellow pedestrians, either overtaking one or passing in the opposite direction?
Joggers are mostly lost in worlds of their own and, I suspect, should be ignored - because for them to answer a greeting from another pedestrian would entail extra expense of breath that they can ill afford or break their rhythm. Besides, they are so often listening to their Walkmans and don’t hear you. Would a mere wave be too intrusive?
Walkers are less likely to be listening to music and can afford the breath - but what about privacy? They may be listening to their own thoughts.
I live in a village of 3,050 souls, on a long, tree-lined, dead-end street and am considerably older than most of the walkers (usually neither neighbors nor acquaintances) I encounter. I am becoming increasingly disinclined to venture “Hi.”
Gentle Reader: In sorting out the factors that determine whether or not pedestrians should acknowledge strangers, Miss Manners had not considered the element of speed. But now that you mention it, it probably isn’t a good idea to shout anything less urgent than “Watch out!” at those galumphing and humphing their way by.
However, she trusts that you can nod, wave and say “Hi” without unduly startling anyone, no matter how lost in thought or music or both. Unless you are getting the effect of surprise or fear, you need not curtail your cheerfulness entirely.
The traditional guideline for greeting strangers has to do with the number of people involved. Thus, acknowledging strangers is considered agreeable in small towns, but not in cities, where the pretense of invisibility protects people from constant intrusion. And a full, spoken greeting is required for those passing on hiking trails and in the wilderness, although Miss Manners would not advise applying this rule in an equally lonely city alley at midnight.
Dear Miss Manners: Are college graduation announcements sent as wedding announcements - that is, not before the ceremony?
Gentle Reader: They must be sent after mastering the concept that just as you cannot issue invitations to an event that has already taken place, you cannot announce that an event has occurred before it has taken place.
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate