Obvious Signs Are Easy For Some To Duck
In nature: When it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and waddles like a duck, it’s a duck. When all the signs are there withdrawal, changes in behavior, unavailability your partner is cheating. You can make roast duck and get on with your life, or you can pretend that’s a mighty big chicken.
Tad and Marla met in the park, walking their puppies. They said hi, discussed housebreaking and paper-training and then realized they had more in common than dogs. They knew many of the same people, lived not far from one another, and were about the same age. By the end of their walk through the park, they made plans to meet soon, without the dogs.
“We ended up spending the first night together,” says Tad. “When we got up the next morning, we walked over to her house to take her dog out, then spent most of that day together, too.”
As you can see, things took off fast. They couldn’t move in together because their dogs didn’t get along, so they took turns sleeping at each other’s apartments.
After a few months of this happy togetherness, Marla had to go out of town on business. She sells equipment for a medical supply company and had a grueling road trip planned. Tad was at her apartment when she came home. He was thrilled to see her, but he sensed the thrill was one sided. (Quack, quack, waddle, waddle.) “She seemed cool, detached,” he says. “I took it to be exhaustion from her schedule. She had been in three states in three days. I ran a bath for her, made some dinner. She went right to bed, so I thought exhaustion probably was the problem. Still, I wondered.”
(Little tiny quack.)
When Tad asked Marla about her trip, she brushed him off. (Quack, quack.) The next week, she went away again. When she was on her way home, she called Tad and told him she was exhausted again and needed to be alone when she got in. Tad ignored this major quack and bigtime waddle. He let himself into her apartment, put a bottle of wine and a salad from the deli in the refrigerator, and left a loving note.
It was two days before Marla called to say hi. (QUACK!) Tad expressed some concern, but Marla assured him that everything was OK. There were things that were going on at work that were upsetting, but that was it. Tad was relieved.
The relief didn’t last long. A few weeks later, Tad realized it had been a month since Marla had called him, a month since she had come over to his apartment, a month since she seemed as nuts about him as he was about her. (QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!) He confronted her. Marla came clean. She admitted she was having an affair with her married boss. They had gone away together twice. She didn’t want to tell Tad because she didn’t want to lose him.
“She didn’t want to lose me because she knew the thing with her boss was probably a fling, and I was better for her and ours was more of a realistic relationship. Thanks, Marla. Meanwhile, she was crazy about her boss.”
Tad said to Marla: “You miserable little hussy. You’re just playing me for a fool. Stringing me along until you’re sure what’s going to happen with Mr. Boss Man. Well, forget it, babe, I’m outta here.”
Not exactly. He has decided that with enough time, a duck can turn into a perfectly fine chicken.
“I’m so in love with her, I decided to wait out this thing with a married man who has three kids. I literally cannot conceive of how someone would prefer stolen moments to an available, honest relationship. I’m here for her and I hope she’ll grow up sooner rather than later. If your readers think I’m a fool, I’d be glad to hear about it. But I think we have something worth holding on to.”
OK, is Tad a fool? Send your reply to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Please include day and evening phone numbers.