Life On One Check On A Single Income By Choice, These Families Say They Gain More Than They Give Up
It’s conventional wisdom by now: In the United States in the waning years of the 20th century, a family can’t live on one income. Can’t be done.
Well, we have news for you. It can be done, and it is being done - all across the United States.
Nobody ever said it would be easy. And unless you have a neurosurgeon or a company president for a breadwinner, it probably isn’t.
But Kansas City residents Anna and Steve Livingston, Terri and Mark Cannon, and Linda and Gary Armstrong decided that the price of a second income was simply too high. Too much strain, too little time together, too much chaos.
So they and their children - 10, all told - are paying the bills with basically one full-time salary coming in. Two of the wives earn a nominal salary doing very part-time work. So they may go for a year between haircuts, take turns in their one-and-only bathroom, or hang onto carpet that is threadbare and stained. But they’re making it work. And they say they’ll take the time and the peace of mind over the money, any day.
Why did you decide to live on one income?
Linda Armstrong: “We thought it was important, while the children were young, to stay at home. There’s an element of stability when one person is their primary caregiver. We both read a book in graduate school, “Haven in a Heartless World: The Family Besieged” (by Christopher Lasch), talking about the home as a haven. People spend so much time away from home, that home is just a way station. Providing a place for kids where they are safe and loved, and there are good smells, is important. They’ll feel it is a place where they belong, truly.”
Gary Armstrong: “Part of the decision not to work was to allow (Linda) to use her gifts. If she wanted to get involved in the church, which she has, she could do that. If she wanted to be involved in music…she’s an accomplished viola player…she could do that. Who she wanted to be, and who I wanted to help her to be, had something to do with it.”
Terri Cannon: “We spent a long time looking for the best day care we could afford, and when I left (Wendy) off, she screamed. When I picked her up, she screamed until bedtime. She wasn’t that way when I stayed home. The stress of two parents working, for our kids, was too great.”
Anna Livingston: “The original decision was made from a gut feeling, from the tradition of being raised by parents who were at home with us. It felt like the right thing to do. We firmly believe that especially children under the age of 3 enter life better-equipped if they have the attention of someone who really cares about them. If there was a way I could work and have my children with me, I would pursue that.”
How do you make it work?
Terri Cannon: “I pay all my bills one month in advance on paper, so we know where the bad spots are going to be. Then we can make arrangements accordingly. In a good month, the low point won’t go below $25. There are times when, on the computer, the low point is negative. That’s when I have to start getting creative. If I add beans or rice to the chili, that means less meat. Sometimes the challenge is fun; sometimes, it’s overwhelming.”
Mark Cannon: “You have to plan every dollar you spend. When we know we will need something, we start to look around. Our breadmaker cost $85. It’s a good one. It doesn’t sound like a tremendous need, but when it cuts the cost of a loaf of bread by 75 percent, that’s a good investment.
“When we buy big-ticket items, we buy items that are durable. I bought that (refrigerator) for two-thirds of what most people would pay. We bought it from a rental center.”
Terri Cannon: “Last year I was going to buy carpet, but I bought band instruments instead. We make a lot of choices like that.”
Mark Cannon: “If the car breaks down, I usually fix it. We have a ‘93 Plymouth Voyager. I’ve had people tell me a brake job costs $500. I can do a complete brake job for $80.”
Terri Cannon: “If we don’t know how to do it, we’ll learn.”
Linda Armstrong: “If you have a book, you can do almost anything. I have tinkered with the plumbing, with the cars, with electrical and with the phone. We had to be bailed out once with the plumbing, but that was because a pipe broke. I’ve taped and mudded drywall. I’ve painted and wallpapered. I’ve repaired furniture. It’s a joke that Gary’s dad gives the power tools to me at Christmas. I come from a handy family. I learned a lot growing up.”
Gary Armstrong: “We have family who have helped us out. We have an ‘89 Plymouth Voyager with 120,000 miles. My grandmother helped us buy it. We haven’t gone to (relatives), except in emergencies. Last summer we found out the house had termites. While we were gone for Christmas, the living-room ceiling caved in. Linda’s brother helped with that.”
Linda Armstrong: “A friend of ours is a contractor. They needed help with child care. I took care of their two boys a couple days a week, and earned about one-third of the total cost of fixing the ceiling. We bartered my time for the contractor’s time.
“We try to plan carefully so the things we do buy, we get a lot of enjoyment out of. We bought a tent and camping equipment awhile back. That was an investment in the future. We’d rather spend money on a tent than on five trips to Chuck E Cheese.
“We believe in teaching kids to be happy with what they have, instead of wanting more. We don’t watch commercial TV with them. We try to protect them from the pressure to have the latest thing. We don’t want to cultivate in them the expectation that with the next Disney movie, they will need a new backpack and pair of shoes.”
What have you given up?
Steve Livingston: “I’m comfortable where we sleep, but obviously our house needs redecorating. Central air would be nice. I would like new carpet and to have the woodwork refinished.”
Anna Livingston: “I could come up with pages of things I’d like to have, but life is choices. And I’m happy with the choices we’ve made.”
Linda Armstrong: “There are times I think it would be great to go out and buy new books, or to not think twice about a pair of new shoes.”
Terri Cannon: “You give up the luxury of impulse, any impulse. Every expense, we have to think about where it fits into our priorities. The biggest thing I feel an impulse to buy is in the grocery store. I would love to go through and put everything in my basket that I wanted.
“We don’t eat out a lot. We don’t have cable TV, and we don’t miss it. When I worked, we had it.”
Mark Cannon: “When you worked, we had everything … I want health insurance. That’s one of my major goals.”
What have you gained by one of you staying home?
Mark Cannon: “It reduced the stress. I don’t have to be concerned with where my children are, or who is taking care of them, or whether they’re being nurtured rather than just herded around. I don’t have to worry that my wife is in a stressful job that is stressing our marriage.”
Terri Cannon: “There’s a stability that wasn’t there before.”
Anna Livingston: “It’s slower-paced. We’re focused on each other.”
Steve Livingston: “For our relationship, it’s easier. If we’ve both been working, we have to come home and focus on the children. But since her focus all day has been on the kids, it’s more possible for us to have a relationship when I get home.
“We’re more able to pass along to our kids the values that are important to us … so they’ll have a strong emotional foundation.”
Anna Livingston: “In La Leche League they say, ‘People before things.’ I want that to be a value we don’t just say, but they know what it means.”
Mark Cannon: “We eat at the table every night. I heard a doctor say that if a family eats together three times a week …
Terri Cannon: “…it cuts the risk of heart attack in half.”
Gary Armstrong: “Mary Pipher (author of “Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls”) says there are three things that keep families together: meals together, vacations and time outdoors. And we have those.”
What is the key to raising a family on one salary?
Terri Cannon: “I think we forget how much we arrange our lives around making money. And we spend money flippantly because we don’t realize what went into making that dollar. I really don’t think we realize the value of a dollar anymore.
“Six or eight months before I quit, we started eliminating debts. From there we started prioritizing. We give a large percentage to the church each month, about 21 percent. That was important to us.”
Steve Livingston: “Don’t tie yourself into two car payments and a palatial home. Don’t go and buy a boat. A lot of people find that once the baby is born, they’re locked in. Save for a rainy day. Get to know people who live on one income. Get to know their lifestyle.”
Anna Livingston: “The first thing to say is, ‘What is really important in my life? What am I willing to give up? What do I have to have emotionally, spiritually, financially?
“It’s important to think about how much you spend to work. A wardrobe, a second car, eating out, paying for services you could do yourself. A lot of people, when they put down the numbers, the difference is very small.”
Terri Cannon: “You’d be amazed how little you miss the things you do without.”