Unprepared For Lesson In Letting Go

As my daughter Lindsay churned inside me 19 years ago, wedging her small parts between my ribs and bouncing on my backbone, I devoured one child development book after another.

They advised me to hold her and talk to her, read to and encourage her. They told me to enjoy and respect her and not to judge her. They warned me about the terrible twos, coached me through sibling rivalry and prepared me for the scary teenage years.

But they never told me how to let her go. I’m learning that lesson now.

Lindsay started classes last week at American University in Washington, D.C. I helped her move into her small dorm room, slipped sheets on a bunk higher than she is tall and lunched with her roommates’ parents.

I checked out the neighborhood, the classrooms and her academic adviser and wasn’t just satisfied - I was comforted. Lindsay had chosen well. Then I hugged my daughter and dashed away, sobbing until my eyes nearly swelled shut.

At home, her most defining factors were gone, including the bedroom mess I mistakenly thought I wanted to disappear. I sat in her armchair, breathed in her subtle scent and stared at the pictures of France on her wall.

She ignored many parentisms over the years, but apparently she absorbed these pearls: Think big, set high goals, women can do anything, you can make a difference.

Her father and I said them all sincerely and still say them to her younger sister, even though we understand the consequences now.

For 18 years, we shower them with guidance, love, attention, all our money, time and encouragement. We prepare them to leave us and live happily on their own. And when they do, we ache.

I wouldn’t change anything for Lindsay, and I don’t worry about her. She’s happy at American and needs me less now than she ever has.

But I still need her. She gives me direction, focus, motivation and energy. She fascinates and infuriates me. She inspires me to stretch myself and laugh. She makes life just as exciting as those child development books said she would.

I might have spared myself this middle-aged heartache by ignoring the wisdom in those books. But at what price?

Show stopper

Kay Storey wowed Coeur d’Alene audiences as Lola in the Coeur d’Alene Summer Theatre’s production of “Damn Yankees” last year, then proved this year that whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.

Kay left the Coeur d’Alene stage for New York, her focus on Broadway. Her talent won her a part in “Jekyll and Hyde,” a newish musical based on the Robert Louis Stevenson story. The show hit Broadway in 1995. Kay will be part of the Jekyll and Hyde company this fall.

Which just goes to show that Coeur d’Alene knows how to pick ‘em.

Tune up

You won’t find Coeur d’Alene’s Sweet Adelines on Broadway because these women keep their sweet voices closer to home. They’re so sold on singing that they want everyone to try it - and they’ll teach you how for free.

Starting Monday and continuing for four weeks, the Adelines will teach singing at the Church of Christ on Fourth Street and Hanley Avenue to anyone who wants to learn. Step out of the shower and into the spotlight. Call 772-3379 or 664-0728 for details.

Say what?

I was pleasantly surprised on my summer vacation travels to hear people associate Idaho with potatoes rather than racists. Potatoes are unglamorous and tiresome, true, but they’re not offensive or reputation-ruining.

What do you want Idaho known for? Whitewater? Factory outlets? Nominate your favorites to Cynthia Taggart, “Close to Home,” 608 Northwest Blvd., Suite 200, Coeur d’Alene, ID, 83814; fax to 765-7149; call 765-7128; or e-mail to cynthiat@spokesman.com.

, DataTimes