Cheap Seats
The enquiring public
A reader, writing to the San Francisco Chronicle about the mysterious deaths of 39 pigeons in the Bay Area: “Now what about the 25 dead bats the Giants are swinging?”
Some not-so-cheap thrills in Indianapolis
Peyton Manning mania already is in full bloom, even before victory-starved Indianapolis Colts fans had their first look at the former University of Tennessee quarterback Sunday when the team wound up its three-day mini-camp in the RCA Dome.
Meanwhile, the Colts’ Internet site and the National Football League team’s ticket office have been swamped with more than 500,000 hits and calls since Manning was drafted April 18.
The Colts earned the No. 1 pick in the draft by finishing a league-worst 3-13 last season.
If they finish 3-13 next season, the web site will go back to cobwebs.
How about oops.com?
Mad player responds with words
Seattle Mariners first baseman David Segui disagreed with a strike called by veteran umpire Durwood Merrill last week on a pitch thrown by Minnesota’s Eric Milton.
“That’s a Hall-of-Fame pitch, son,” Merrill told Segui.
Replied Segui: “It’ll get Milton to the Hall of Fame. It’ll get me to Triple-A.”
Mad player responds with deeds
Trying to get at umpire Joe West after being ejected from Tuesday’s game against the Chicago Cubs, San Diego Padres pitcher Kevin Brown threw coaches Tim Flannery and Rob Picciolo out of the way and knocked manager Bruce Bochy off balance.
Said Flannery, “He is very strong. He wouldn’t make a very good dance partner. He’d always want to lead.”
In case Brown’s targeting former Spokane Indians managers, coach Rene Lachemann and the St. Louis Cardinals will hit San Diego on May 29.
More like soldier of self promotion
Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman will play a soldier of fortune on the syndicated TV action series, “S.O.F.: Special Ops Force” (formerly known as “Soldier of Fortune”) next season.
Said Rodman: “They plan to make me into a black Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
Phil Rosenthal of the Chicago Sun-Times suggested a new stage name for him: “Worminator.”
Come to think of it, Dennis does consider himself fairly earthy.
It’s a good thing he didn’t see the bill
When the new Tampa Bay Devil Rays baseball team stayed in Chicago’s historic Palmer House for its series with the White Sox, pitcher Tony Saunders heard teammate Dave Martinez, a former White Sox outfielder, telling other players the hotel may be haunted.
Saunders bought it. He slept with the door open and the TV on. “I don’t mess with that kind of stuff,” Saunders said.
The last word …
“He hit a popup against us one day that went so high, all nine guys on our team called for it.”
- Florida Marlins coach Rich Donnelly, discussing the batting of Mark McGwire