Affairs Of The Hearts
Want to figure out what label to slap on your own personality type?
Sure you do. But don’t leave it to haphazard guesswork. Just take our “Are You Ready for Romance/Day Before Valentine’s Personality Profile Quiz.”
All the questions are based on that one true window on the psyche - your reaction to those little candy Valentines with messages.
INSTRUCTIONS
Answer all the questions either or NO. Give yourself 10 points for every answer. Then add up your score and move on to the Rate Yourself list.
THE QUIZ
1. Do you regard the inclusion of phrases such as “YOU GO GIRL” and “WEB SITE” in the 1998 lineup of candy hearts as a telling sign of the moral breakdown of society?
2. In the fourth grade, did you consider being given a “BE MINE” candy as tantamount to having been handed a prenuptial document?
3. Is it appropriate, when presented with a heart emblazoned with “E-MAIL ME,” to say “Sorry, I refuse to put that in my mouth”?
4. Is a preschool girl giving a “DREAM GIRL” heart to another girl or a preschool boy giving a “MY MAN” candy to another little boy cause for parental concern?
5. Would it seriously creep you out if a co-worker gave you a candy heart that said “HUG ME”?
6. Do you regard being given a “SO FINE” candy by someone at the office as an actionable transgression?
7. Should someone giving his or her boss a “KISS ME” candy seek therapy?
8. After receiving a “BE GOOD” heart, is it your tendency to infer that rumors about your personal life are swirling all about you without your knowledge?
9. Should an “I’M SURE” candy heart given in response to a “REAL LOVE” heart be interpreted as alienation of affection?
10. Do the new-for-‘98 slogans “SISTER FRIEND,” “BE MY ICON,” and “YEAH RIGHT” strike you as startling evidence that the folks at the New England Confectionery Company - makers of more than 8 billion “Conversation Hearts” annually - have let trendiness get way out of hand?
11. Should a “HOW SWEET” heart be presented to someone only after a frank discussion of safe sex?
12. Do you believe there is ever a point during the exchange of candy hearts in which clergy should be present?
13. Do you agree that state legislatures have an appropriate role to play in shaping the circumstances under which an individual may present a “LOVER BOY” heart to someone?
14. Is it your view that “If ‘REAL LOVE’ hearts are outlawed, only outlaws will have ‘REAL LOVE’ hearts”?
15. Is it true that the sight of an “I WILL” heart on the floor is a sure sign that somebody got slapped?
16. If your girlfriend or boyfriend gave you a “NEAT” or “AWESOME” heart, would you automatically assume that the “It’s not you, it’s me - let’s just be friends” talk was soon to follow?
17. Would you say it’s just normal etiquette to respond to being given a smudged “SWEET TALK” heart by saying “I’m not going to eat that until you tell me where it’s been”?
18. Is it your opinion that instead of things like “ONLY YOU” and “WWW CUPID,” candy hearts ought to say “HERE’S SOME FLU”?
19. Do you wish that candy hearts with messages were an all-year thing so that when people asked you to express your feelings you could reach into your pocket and pull out a ” DEAR” heart?
20. If you got to write your own messages on the candies and had the courage to deliver them to certain individuals, would you soon find yourself entangled in court proceedings?
RATE YOURSELF
0-90: You are a Dynamic Achiever. You have much to share with others. Give yourself a candy heart that says “HEY I’M OK.”
100-140: Your personality type is called Messy Nurturer. You are a lovable handful. Give yourself a candy heart that says “HERE I COME.”
150-170: You are a Sometimes Sane. You, uh, go through changes. Your candy heart should read “I HAVE ISSUES.”
200-180: Your personality could be described as Delusion Retentive. You are not happy in a society defined by constant change. Give yourself a candy that says “NOT READY FOR 2000.”
, DataTimes