Just Let Nature Take Its Course
Q.To make sure neither of our children - a 5-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl - develop sexist attitudes, we buy them equal numbers of “boy” and “girl” toys. If, for example, we buy our son a truck, the next toy he gets is something typically thought of as a toy for girls - a dollhouse perhaps.
Regardless, our daughter winds up playing with her “girl” toys and our son plays with trucks, etc. We don’t let them watch TV or see videos that could reinforce sexual stereotypes, and my husband is as likely to wash the dishes as I am to change the oil in the car. What’s the explanation for this, and what else can we do to address this problem?
A. To the first part of your question, my answer is, I don’t know. According to the latest evidence, the male and female brains are different in significant ways. That suggests that males and females perceive differently, emote differently, and think differently (generally speaking, of course). If the above is true, then it’s but a short hop to the idea that males vs. females tend to prefer different sorts of things and activities, and that such differences would be evident from an early age.
To the second part of your question, my answer is, probably nothing. You can, however, stop thinking of this as a problem and let nature take his/her/its course.
I agree that parents should do what they can - short of being neurotic about it - to prevent children from developing dysfunctional gender stereotypes. I stress dysfunctional because I think some gender stereotypes make good sense (but to avoid unnecessary controversy, I won’t go there).
In short, our childhood toys didn’t “warp” our thinking about gender matters, and your children’s toy preferences aren’t likely to “warp” theirs, either. Theories to the contrary are urban myths, nothing more.
I doubt, however, that the toys one plays with as a child are a significant factor. I’ll just bet that when you and your husband were children, you played with toy dishes and he played with toy cars. Today, you change the oil and he does the dishes. I played with toy guns as a child; nonetheless, real guns scare the (fill in your favorite word) out of me and I certainly don’t equate them with masculinity.
I’ve heard of boys who like to play with dolls and girls who prefer toy trucks to Barbie (whose physical hyperbole has been the subject of much psychosocial hyperbole), but examples of that sort are most definitely the exception.
Furthermore, where one of these children is concerned, the parents will almost always testify that they had absolutely no influence over the preference and that all efforts to “correct” it end in failure.
So, it would appear “destiny” may be at work here.
Buy the typical girl a truck and a Barbie, and she will end up choosing to distort her own body image. Buy the typical boy a dollhouse and a G.I. Joe, and Joe will eventually demolish the former in a fit of military pique. In neither case, however, can anyone make any accurate predictions concerning what these children’s gender attitudes will be 20 years from now.
My advice: Give it up. You’re spending twice as much money on toys as you need to. Stop trying to make Mother (or Father) Nature bend to your values and let your children simply be themselves. Having some experience in these matters, I can assure you they will be themselves regardless.
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Rosemond The Charlotte Observer