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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper The Spokesman-Review

Saturday, May 30, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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News >  Features

Uh, Where Is He? You Think We Should Ask?

These two geniuses were waiting for a buddy to be released from the Spokane County Jail the other day.

They had been hanging out in the lobby for what seemed like a long time. So finally, one of them thought to check with the receptionist.

“Hey, dude,” that guy subsequently said to his friend. “He’s gone! They let him out two hours ago.”

Ten subject areas that make people fear lie detectors: 1.) Sexual history. 2.) Salary. 3.) High school sports careers. 4.) Flossing habits. 5.) SAT score. 6.) Claims about job offers. 7.) Weight. 8.) Cosmetic surgery. 9.) Street fights. 10.) Credit card debt.

Feel free to draw up your own list.

Just wondering: If you happen to believe that Super Bowl Sunday represents all that is wrong with America, what is the most effective way to make these feelings known?

Signs that your family is normal:

1. Someone says, “You don’t have enough light” once an hour.

2. People try to carry on conversations from opposite ends of the house.

3. Family members yell, “What?” about 75 times a day. (See No. 2.) 4. The cat appears to sleep 23 hours a day.

5. At least one member of the household seems incapable of grasping the concept that empty milk cartons should be thrown away.

6. The person going to the grocery store always forgets something.

7. Tastes in music vary.

8. There is sharp disagreement about what constitutes the proper amount of garlic.

9. At least one family member seems to spend a phenomenal amount of time in the bathroom.

10. It’s hard to tell what anyone is saying because everybody mumbles.

Bordering on the correct spelling (this is from a Washington state tourism press release): “Located on the Idaho boarder in the Northeast corner of the state, Spokane offers….”

That must be like a snow boarder, only different.

Or maybe an “Idaho boarder” is someone living with you who appears only at mealtimes - and then only if potatoes are being served.

(Never mind that Spokane isn’t actually in the state’s corner.)

Warm-up question (prompted by a letter from Deer Park’s Jackie Dorothy): When you were a child, what was your “trouble” name?

Today’s Slice question: Around here, how long should a dating-minded single adult wait after getting someone’s phone number before calling that person?

, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Anita wants to thank the crew at the Showboat movie theater for finding and returning her cash-laden wallet.

The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Anita wants to thank the crew at the Showboat movie theater for finding and returning her cash-laden wallet.

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