Give The Truth A Try

Here are five excuses for inadequate flossing that dental hygienists probably won’t buy.

1. El Nino.

2. Too busy doing humanitarian work.

3. Stress.

4. Victim of an unjust society.

5. Rumor about floss being laced with LSD.

* Overheard: “My son’s a T-ball stud.”

* Typo or commentary: Pat Holland has one of those entertainment/dining coupon booklets. And when looking for places to eat in the East Valley, he noticed the heading actually said “Easy Valley.”

* A dozen reasons Inland Northwesterners don’t always answer the door when someone knocks:

1. Prefer to continue drinking a beer and watching a “Frasier” rerun to talking with a stranger about politics or religion.

2. The person at home is wearing his or her “real life” uniform — boxers and a T-shirt.

3. Assumption that opening the door invites home-invasion robbery.

4. The answer to the question, “When has going to the door ever proven to have been a good idea?”

5. Because people are weird and it’s creepy to be standing there while someone you’ve never met stands on the porch and looks past you as if making a mental inventory of the living room’s contents.

6. Having sex.

7. Having dinner.

8. House violates health code.

9. Lack of desire to tell some 12-year-old girl, “No, I don’t want to buy a box of bad candy to help subsidize your school trip to Tibet.”

10. Because the knocking prompted the dog to start barking and the conversation with the person at the door would consist almost entirely of the homeowner looking back into the house and yelling, “Hush Sissy, I can’t hear this person holding lawn aeration fliers.”

11. Busy watching “Ballykissangel” and not in the mood to hear any voice lacking an Irish accent.

12. Porch and front door not yet equipped with “Visitor I.D.”

* Caution — this could stick in your head: We found ourselves in a van full of about a dozen little kids the other day. And at one point, a 6-year-old boy suggested singing a song.

So what number did they select?

Well, it wasn’t really a song. It was a jingle for a cat food commercial.

Perhaps you remember it. The boys and girls sang, “Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.”

* Today’s Slice question: What’s the Inland Northwest definition of “a good golfer”?

and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Lost and found: Heather, we have your pictures.