Broncos Have Just A Touch Of Evil

In the garden of good and evil, the Denver Broncos are both. It is delightful to watch Mike Shanahan’s precision coaching, John Elway’s heady scrambling and Terrell Davis’ powerful running. But it is distressful to witness Bill Romanowski, Shannon Sharpe and The Salute.

Today, The Man takes a stand against the Broncos. Today, I remind you how this first-class team practices second-class sportsmanship.

In the ugly Denver-Kansas City game Nov. 15, the Chiefs deservedly were crucified for their actions, but the Broncos did their part, too. Sharpe, for instance, went after Chiefs linebacker Wayne Simmons from behind, trying to cut him below the knees. Shanahan did not remove several Broncos from the game, as he should have, to prevent an escalation of punkdom.

Afterward, Romanowski complained about the Chiefs’ “cheap shots.” That’s a good one. Bill Romanowski complaining about cheap shots is like the Boston Strangler complaining about turtlenecks.

Sharpe, meanwhile, talks so much trash, he ought to room with Fred Sanford. Sharpe’s brother Sterling is the broadcaster, but Shannon’s the professional talker. (The Broncos offense, according to Sharpe, “is a Ferrari.” I guess that makes him the muffler.) This guy must trash-talk in his sleep.

Then there’s The Salute, the Broncos’ now-tiresome touchdown ritual. It’s just a disguised taunt. One should learn to take success in stride. I was with Einstein when he introduced relativity in 1905 and when he got the Nobel Prize in ‘21 - believe me, both of these things were a big deal - and in each case, right after the big moment he simply walked out of the room and took a nap.

Anyway, for the rest of the postseason, I’m rooting for the other guys, whoever the other guys are. This week, they’re the Miami Dolphins. So take the Dolphins and the 13 points, on the road, against Denver.

(Game strategy note: Last week, Miami’s Jimmy Johnson was chastised for his onside-kick ploy, which failed when his Dolphins had a 6-0 lead against Buffalo. I applaud Johnson. Once in a while, in life, you go with “high risk, low reward,” like my marriage. Hey, you take your shot; if you miss, you’re behind 7-6 or you move back in with your parents. There are worse things.)

(Related personal note: The Man has decided to make My New Social Account, Rhonda, The Woman. And this time around, I’m signing a pre-nup in regard to the remote.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

49ers at Falcons (-3-1/2): At midseason, many fans were insisting that Randall Cunningham and Doug Flutie should keep playing even after the injured quarterbacks they replaced, Brad Johnson and Rob Johnson, were healthy enough to return. I contended that, in America, you are allowed sick leave, and when you’re well again, you should get your old job back. I pointed out that, in the event a head coach was sidelined and one of his assistants won a few games, the head coach would certainly expect to resume his duties.

As usual, everyone ignored me.

Well, my friends, if Johnson and Johnson couldn’t get their starting positions back, it seems to me that Dan Reeves shouldn’t get his head coaching job back. YOU’VE GOTTA STICK WITH THE HOT HAND, and Rich Brooks is just that. Reeves went 12-2, but Brooks went 2-0, with the Falcons outscoring their opponents by 62-33. Now, I’m a big Dan Reeves fan, but we must be consistent as a nation and as a people if we are going to continue to stave off the Communist threat.

Plus, I lean to the 49ers in this one, hoping if Wade Richey has to make any important kicks, he just closes his eyes and swings the right leg. Pick: 49ers.

Cardinals at Vikings (-14-1/2): For the last two years, I have sat in a sports bar - not every day, mind you, just on NFL Sundays - and watched Jake Plummer pile up first-half interceptions and second-half comebacks. He digs the hole, then he digs out of the hole. He’s Houdini in a helmet. I’m telling you, if “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” had been “Butch Cassidy and Jake the Snake,” those bandits would still be robbing banks to this day.

Still, it’s one thing to survive the Bolivian army in a 1969 film, it’s another to survive the Metrodome in a 1999 game. Cardinals vs. Vikings is pretty much David vs. Goliath, except, this time around, David has no slingshot and Goliath has a great offensive line. This game has that 48-13 feel. Maybe even 49-13. Pick: Vikings.

Jaguars at Jets (-8): First of all, I’m tired of hearing about Mark Brunell’s “high ankle sprain.” High ankle sprain? People, people, people - you’ve got your ankle. The high ankle? That, I believe, would be your shin. Or, as Dr. Frank Jobe crooned to me recently, “The ankle bone’s connected to the shin bone/the shin bone’s connected to the knee bone/ the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone … ”

Second of all, I have gone back and looked at videotape of every play of every game this NFL season, and if the officials had made the correct calls just 85 percent of the time, the Jets would’ve finished 5-11. Pick: Jaguars.

Last week: 2-2.

Season record: 122-109-11.