The Slice: Can a rig really drive a lifestyle?

So you’ve decided that you really are an Inland Northwesterner at heart. And now it’s time to get a pickup. Well, not so fast. There are a few things you need to consider. Before taking the plunge, check out The Slice’s handy Guide to Coping With Truck Lust.

Ponder the following pros and cons to pickup ownership.

Pro: There’s a chance that driving the right truck could make you look like the sort of person who knows how things work and how to fix things.

Con: The truth is, of course, that’s not you.

Pro: You’ll be able to haul stuff.

Con: Everyone within a 25-mile radius will expect you to help them move.

Pro: The right truck can give you a no-nonsense jeans-and-boots image.

Con: The wrong truck can make you look like you are trying to compensate for shortcomings.

Pro: Unmarried pickup truck owners can step right up to that attractive new employee in accounts receivable and say, “I heard that you need help transporting a refrigerator across town.”

Con: Single pickup truck owners hear things like, “Say, it would be great if you could bring your truck over to my place at about 7 on Saturday morning. I need to go pick up some dirt.”

Pro: Your dog will love riding up front.

Con: If you believe that it’s safe for dogs to ride in the back of a pickup, you could be in for a heartbreaking lesson in physics.

Pro: Some old, no-frills trucks might lend you a certain air of rugged self-sufficiency.

Con: Some new, tricked-out trucks all but scream “This is an expensive toy for someone who probably should have spent the money on therapy.”

Pro: Owning a pickup could open up a world of lifestyle possibilities.

Con: There’s a good chance that, if you do not already have one, you don’t really need one.

Pro: You’ll be able to refer to “the rig.”

Con: The rig might ride like a buckboard.

Pro: Your new vehicle might prompt someone to say, “And here I thought you were a sissy.”

Con: Impressing idiots isn’t much of an accomplishment.

Pro: In a region shaped by agriculture, mining and logging, a pickup is practically a salute to Northwest heritage.

Con: Someone might ask you, “So what does 4x4 mean anyway?”

Pro: Stepping out of your pickup, you’ll look like a person who can “get ‘er done.”

Con: True self-esteem doesn’t come with a trailer hitch.

Pro: You could mess with people’s minds by slapping on a few left-leaning bumper stickers.

Con: Your radio might pick up nothing but country stations.

Today’s Slice question: Has the way you eat an ice cream cone changed at all since you were 4?