Not up to mom what happens in your marriage

Dear Annie: I have been separated from my husband, “Lester,” for three months. We’ve been married nearly four years, but we both have come to the conclusion that it would be best if we divorced. There are no children involved. Lester and I still talk to each other and are on very good terms. Because of this, my mother keeps trying to get us back together. I’ve explained why a divorce is the right decision, but it’s almost as if Mom would rather see me married and miserable than divorced and happy. Frankly, I think she is worried about what other people will think of her if her daughter is divorced. I don’t want to stop speaking to my mother, but I refuse to live my life for her. Any suggestions? — Happiness Lost Dear Happiness Lost: Since you and Lester presumably will be divorced soon, there’s no point getting worked up over your mother’s attitude. It isn’t necessary for her to agree with you. Simply say, “I realize we don’t see eye-to-eye on this, Mother, so we won’t discuss it further.” Then change the subject or walk away. Once the divorce is final, hopefully your mother will stop nagging you to get back together, because by then, it will be too late for her to change what “other people think.” And it will help when she sees how much happier you are on your own. Dear Annie: Several years ago, my brother, sister and I lost both our parents within six months of each other. My brother was supposed to be executor of the estate, but since he lives in Canada, a judge named me co-executor (Mom and Dad lived in the United States and so do I). Most of the work fell on my shoulders, and my brother did as little as possible. The final settlement caused a lot of hard feelings. My sister and I remain close, but my brother has not spoken to me since. This breaks my heart. I have tried to contact him, but he will not take my calls or answer my e-mails. I love my brother and miss him a lot. How can I make this better? — Younger Sister Dear Sister: We’re assuming you received more money than your brother, most likely from the work you did on the estate as co-executor. If that’s the case, the only way your brother will “forgive” you is if you make it up to him financially, unfair though that may be. It is entirely up to you to decide if it’s worth it. If that is not the case, and your brother simply is miffed that you usurped his role as sole executor, there is little you can do. We suggest you ask your sister to be an intermediary to let your brother know how much you miss him, and hope for the best. Dear Annie: My 15-year-old daughter learned to play bluegrass mandolin from her father. While playing at a recent family get-together, she strummed the old song “Jessie James,” and surprisingly, my 82-year-old, extremely reserved stepfather began to sing. When he noticed our reaction, he said, “My great-uncle was a stagecoach rider and taught me that song when I was a little boy.” Annie, please tell your readers to spend some time listening to our elders and documenting what they remember. We are losing one of America’s most precious commodities — our history. — The Farmer’s Stepdaughter Dear Stepdaughter: You are so right, and not just for America’s history, but for our personal family histories. We urge our readers to bring along a tape recorder, camcorder, or even a notebook and pen, and record your grandparents’ stories. There are many books available with information on how to take a family history. Please do it before these precious memories are lost forever. Annie’s Snippet: Happy Canada Day to all our Canadian readers.