Get these girls a thesaurus, posthaste

Hope everyone had a fun and festive Fourth of July holiday, complete with hot dogs, hamburgers and fireworks. Personally, I indulged in far too much barbecue and drank too many Coronas this weekend, but I could not get enough of the sparklers. Those pretty explosions are what this holiday is all about – that and I guess obtaining our independence from England and the Beatles.

And who could celebrate freedom better then our two reality TV firecrackers, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie? If you’ve had a chance to catch a few of the recent episodes of “The Simple Life 2” (Wednesdays, Fox), you would have noticed that everything they do or say “is HOT” – old naked people in a nudist colony are hot, a 13-year-old country boy is hot, gas station attendants who give them free gas and food are hot.

While that comment was funny the first 20 times, it’s becoming pretty obvious that this phrase is filler for when these ladies have nothing intelligent to say – which happens a lot. What if this phrase spreads, such as Donald Trump’s “You’re fired,” and they get credit for making it up? For example, a friend of mine told me “You look hot” over the weekend, and I yelled at her for quoting Paris in my presence. She was dumbfounded. Who knew she wasn’t a fan of the show and was just throwing out a compliment? You can never be too careful.

Speaking of hotties, Marty, the lucky papa on “Who Wants to Marry My Dad?” (Mondays, NBC), has quite a few lovely ladies to choose from, and I hope his daughters, Nicole, Jennifer and Brooke, will help him make the right decision. I’m not sure whom I will choose for him yet, but the woman sending him subliminal messages last week was awful and has got to go. I also could not believe how forward these women were, climbing on top of Daddy in the pool. What a bunch of sinners! Let’s hope that his daughters are keeping a naughty and nice list and will use that to make their decision – because no one wants a stepmom who is known throughout the neighborhood for her thong bikini rather than her homemade apple pie.

Good news, “Amazing Race 5” premiered this week on CBS. This is the reality show for anyone who loves a challenge, enjoys action films (especially those made by Jerry Bruckheimer, the show’s creator) and has no interest in the lovey-dovey stuff we normally see on “The Bachelor” or “For Love or Money.”

Hunger, pain and dedication is the name of the game, and 11 teams of two will set out on a race around the world for $1 million. They’ll never know where they’re going next or what they’ll have to do once they’re there. Tune in!