Reality television brings home its own gold

Fri., July 16, 2004

Kathleen Sheridan Knight Ridder

There’s nothing like watching the U.S. Olympic trials to show us how using one’s gym membership actually can pay off. What an impressive competition it has been so far, and I never expected to see so many world records being broken.

My favorite moments were in the swimming competition. We got to see Natalie Coughlin’s killer backstroke (she holds the world’s best time), Amanda Beard and her teddy bear were victorious again and super-swimmer Michael Phelps swam laps around his competition. I was so overwhelmed with pride from watching their swimming that I nearly leapt off my couch and hit the town pool to take my first laps, or in my case doggy paddles, closer to winning a gold medal in 2024. Then reality set in, and I realized that I’d be close to 50 by the time the 2024 Olympics rolled around. Seeing how I may be too old to compete, I guess I’ll have to win a medal doing something else.

Perhaps we could all aspire to win a medal in our daily lives – a much more achievable goal than swimming from New York to Athens in a Speedo. I’d like to dole out the following medals to a few reality TV Olympians for the efforts they have made on their programs recently (drum roll please):

“Big Brother 5” (CBS) – Last week’s premiere revealed this season’s new twist: Some of the houseguests are related, but they don’t know it. Michael, 23, from Oklahoma gets the gold medal for quickly figuring out that he and heavily tattooed, pink-haired Jennifer, 21, are long-lost siblings. I guess Dad didn’t tell the “Something happened on a business trip…” story at bedtime.

“The Amazing Race 5” (NBC, Mondays) – While cutthroat tactics are the soup du jour for this show, it was nice to see that some people can remain compassionate for others even when money is at stake. The gold medal for good manners goes to the first team to be eliminated, Dennis and Erika. While they might not have won $500K, at least they can say they played fair.

“The Last Comic Standing” (NBC, Tuesdays) – Ant (Anthony Steven Kalloniatis) was sent home last week, and no, it was not for his poor fashion sense, but for his bad comedic judgment. He went head-to-head with Gary Gulman, and Gary had the funnier material by far. The gold medal (and perhaps my phone number) goes to Gary, while Ant gets … a ride home on Greyhound.

“The Simple Life 2” (Fox, Wednesdays) – While Nicole Richie’s choice comments are always a hoot and a holler, she will have to settle for runner-up this week because Paris Hilton gets the gold medal for her quick thinking down on the bayou. When tasked with catching enough crawfish to feed a small village (whilst wearing stilettos), she figured out a great alternative to getting her hands dirty: an all-you-can-eat crawfish buffet and a very big purse. Voila, dinner is served!

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