Their affair is over, but not the sex

Fri., July 30, 2004

Steve and Mia Knight Ridder

Q: I’m a 36-year-old man involved with a 42-year-old female co-worker. We’re both married. We tried to back off about a year ago, but can’t stop having sex. We kiss for even a few seconds and we want to rip each other’s clothes off. Both of us know exactly which buttons to push to get each other going. This has been going on for five years. If our spouses find out, it will kill them or they’ll kill us. We’ve tried to stop but can’t, and our office is so small, that doesn’t help. Suggestions?

Mia: You’ve been cheating on your wife for five years? That is soooo sleazy. You need to make a choice between your wife and your girlfriend – now. And if you decide to stay with your wife, I suggest a new job several counties away from little Miss Button-Pusher.

Steve: The surest way to end the hot sex with your co-worker is to marry her. Just kidding! You are in violation of several of the Rules of Love, including “Don’t get your lay where you get your pay.” In a small office, after five years, your co-workers almost certainly know. It’s only a matter of time before the spouses know. You should leave your wife or leave your job.

Q: You recently ran a letter about a 50-year-old woman wondering where the good men are. Due to the ability of men to produce sperm much longer than women can produce eggs, the age ratio is “half the man’s age plus seven.” That means 20-year-old males date 17-year-old girls, 40-year-old males are with 27-year-old women and males who want 50-year-old women are 88 years old. Try the graveyard.

Steve: The only men who find women in their 50s attractive are 88? I have two words for you: Helen Mirren. Yours is the goofiest theory I’ve ever heard.

Mia: Hell, even I’d do Helen Mirren.

Q: I am a single man, 37, living in the small coal-mining town of Hazleton, Pa. I’m just tired of the local women. I’m interested in meeting a woman from Philadelphia or the suburbs. Could you suggest a trustworthy dating service that I could contact about setting up a weekend date with a woman from your area?

Mia: I have several friends who’ve had success with online dating sites. Match.com got some good dates for one of my girlfriends and another is now blissfully happy with a man she met on eharmony.com. Best of luck!

Steve: You also can try a speed dating service, where you can meet a dozen or so singles in an hour to see if you have a match. Ask these services for references before you spend your money, though.

Q: I’m a 36-year-old woman in a five-year relationship with a much older man. I’ve also been seeing a 34-year-old man who I am madly in love with. I don’t want to hurt the older man, but I don’t feel the same for him anymore. My problem is that the younger man lives with another woman. He keeps telling me to be patient, that he loves me and we’ll be together someday. What should I do?

Steve: In romantic situations, men often say things that require translation. “Be patient” means “I’m not leaving her.” “We’ll be together someday” means “I want to have sex with you without a commitment.” Once you learn how to translate these things, your decision becomes easy.

Mia: You deserve someone who is neither a cheater nor an old head. Dump both of them.

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