Early discussion a must on issue of nursing home

Dear Annie: I am a healthy, 74-year-old mother of two grown daughters. I recently had a family dinner in my home, and after everyone left, I could not hold back the tears.

While they were here, both of my girls made remarks about “when we put you in a nursing home.” The casual way they mention it indicates they’ve discussed it. I know the day may come when it will be necessary for them to do it, but I would hope it would be only as a last resort. I worked 25 years as a nurse, and I know nursing homes from the inside. I absolutely hate them. Such talk seems almost threatening, and it hurts. I shrug it off when they say it, but the tears come when I am alone.

These remarks are thoughtless and cruel. Maybe if the younger generation was reminded that their day is coming, they would think twice. — Crying Mother

Dear Crying Mother: Dry your tears, and tell your daughters how their words broke your heart. Your children undoubtedly know how you feel about nursing homes, and they may have been “testing the waters” to gauge your reaction.

The possibility of ending up in a place you hate is a major source of concern for many seniors, and it ought to be discussed early on. However, times have changed.

There are a variety of residences now, including assisted-living centers and retirement facilities, that provide excellent care, not to mention an abundance of social activities. Please don’t assume the worst.

Dear Annie: I recently saw a woman practitioner for my checkup. I have no problem with female doctors, but while examining me, this one said, “Now pull down your pants. I want to check your prostate.” She did not leave the room to let me cover up. She stood there and watched me undress. I was in a daze, embarrassed and humiliated. She asked me questions afterward, and I have no idea how I responded.

I am having anxiety attacks over this and now know how women must feel. I suspect this happens often to macho guys. Am I making too much of it? — Violated

Dear Violated: Yes, and no. The doctor has seen men’s bodies before, and there is no cause to be embarrassed. However, she should be more sensitive to her patients’ vulnerability. So, assert yourself. It is perfectly OK to ask your physician to leave the room while you disrobe and put on a medical gown. If you must see this particular physician again, let her know.

Dear Annie: My daughter is getting married in October. We are watching our budget and must limit the number of guests. I have an uncle in Florida who intends to come for the wedding. However, he wants to bring his entire family. There are 38 of them. We simply don’t have room at the reception hall, and worse, the group includes small children who are quite distant — third cousins once removed, etc. We have not seen most of this family for 25 years.

I want to write a letter explaining the situation. We haven’t even sent out the invitations yet, but I need to tell them soon, so they don’t plan their vacations around the wedding. Any advice? — Mother of the Bride

Dear Mother: Some relatives see weddings as a great way for the family to get together, especially after so many years. But it is a tremendous imposition on the hosts. If possible, call your uncle instead of writing. Tell him you are so looking forward to seeing him and are thrilled he wants to bring the entire family, but it simply isn’t possible for you to accommodate all of them at the wedding. Perhaps your daughter and her future husband would be willing to visit them in Florida if they take a vacation in that direction.