Ghosts of elections past, present and future
A new Idaho law ensures registered voters who submit absentee ballots and then die before election day will have their votes counted. But Washington has no such requirement, so each county’s elections officials must decide how to handle ballots from the beyond. That’s good news for Spokane County residents who plan to brave the I-90 construction zone after mailing their ballots this fall. County Auditor Vicky M. Dalton won’t toss your vote even if you’re squished against a concrete barrier by some testosterone-addled freak wielding his giant 4x4 like a 6,000-pound sledgehammer.
“If the ballot was legitimately cast, we will count it,” Dalton says. The situation actually arises in most major elections. “It’s an unfortunately frequent occurrence,” she adds. Given the poor quality of candidates we’re often forced to choose from, it’s not surprising voters sometimes keel over. Or maybe Dalton should look into the glue used to seal those absentee-ballot envelopes. Remember, licking bad envelope glue killed George Costanza’s fiancée on “Seinfeld.”
Speaking of significant others, Dalton might actually save a few spousal lives by announcing she’ll count the legitimate absentee votes of dead residents. After all, this year’s presidential election is supposed to be close, and Washington’s a battleground state. Add the fact men tend to be more conservative than women and you begin to see how a Kerry-supporting wife might be tempted to whack her husband before election day if she discovered he mailed off a vote for Bush. Now, that temptation’s gone.
“I’m not going there,” Dalton says of the theory when she stops laughing. “But we do hear from people who say they sit around the kitchen table as a family and get into some pretty heated discussions before sending their ballots in.” Tempers really flare, eh? “We haven’t had any ballots returned with blood on them yet,” she clarifies. In addition to possibly saving your life, registering as an ongoing absentee voter means you’re about twice as likely to participate in elections as folks who must show up at the polls to be counted, Dalton says.
With the presidential campaign generating intense interest, Dalton expects up to 85 percent of the county’s voters to participate in the general election no matter how they’re registered. To avoid the crowded polls, complete the “Online Voter Registration Form” available through www.spokanecounty.org/ elections, mark the “ongoing absentee” option, and mail it to the address provided. But when you fill out your ballot at home this fall, make sure your spouse isn’t peeking – just in case.
Signs of the times
The Spokane Valley City Council rounded out its sign code committee with two new appointees last week. Now, all seven members of the males-only committee boast ties to local businesses, The Spokesman-Review’s Megan Cooley reported. Most advisory groups of this type include a token environmental or community activist who serves as a fig leaf covering the inevitably pro-business recommendations. It’s refreshing to see city officials drop that pretense so that no one gets their hopes up for a more beautiful Spokane Valley.
Way off target
In one of the silliest examples yet of being willing to die for one’s principles, Washington’s House Judiciary Committee recently killed a proposal to ban firearms from the Capitol building in Olympia. So if holders of concealed weapons permits set off the new metal detectors at the doors, they’ll likely be free to tote their .357 magnums right into the visitors’ gallery. And we’re trusting these legislators to help protect us from acts of terrorism? If a disgruntled visitor ever starts taking potshots at them, I hope they at least find the wisdom to duck.