20 fight to end on ‘Last Comic’

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” Ba-dum-bum. Thankfully, no performer on “Last Comic Standing,” which premiered June 8 (Tuesdays, NBC), included this old joke in their repertoire, but I would have gotten a chuckle if they did.

The “Last Comic Standing” sequel is a welcome addition to the summer lineup of reality shows. It fills in the entertainment gap between reruns of “Friends” and not-so-hot reality shows such as the second installment of “For Love or Money.” (A horrible show. Skip it).

We also welcomed back the return of the ever-funny and sarcastic host Jay Mohr, who I can’t help but notice has not been very busy since last season. He’s supposed to help other comedians get their careers off the ground? Interesting.

After the final 20 battle it out this week, the remaining 10 stand-ups will move into a house together for a month while they prepare for comedic competition. Last season we got to see a few funny behind-the-scenes moments at the house. I remember Rich Vos and Dave Mordal in a hot tub together and the game of hide and seek when Dat Phan (the winner of last year’s competition) hid in a cabinet for an hour until he realized no one was seeking him.

I would like to thank NBC’s Web site ( www.nbc.com) for including a few of the funny jokes each of the comedians used in their acts, so that mildly funny people like myself can pilfer and reuse the jokes in everyday conversation.

Here are a few quotes from recent performances:

Gary Gulman – “I played football at Boston College. It’s a Catholic school. I had a nickname there: Jew.”

Jessica Kirson – “I’ve actually been on Atkins. … Today I had no crackers, no muffins and no cake. I had 16 chickens, a dozen eggs and a lamb. I ate a whole farm.”

Kathleen Madigan – “Women’s gymnastics is like child abuse. These girls are freaks. And the announcers say it, and they don’t think it’s weird anymore. They’re like, uh, this next gymnast, she’s 18 years old and she weighs 34 pounds, Bob. Very heavy, I don’t see a medal happening.”

Jim Norton – “You ever look at yourself nude in a full-length mirror and you want to fall on a knife? I have the sex appeal of leukemia.”

A show that promises to be as funny as “Last Comic Standing,” but without the advantage of stage lights and talent, is “Simple Life 2,” which premiered last night on Fox. This season the shy and overly conservative Paris Hilton and mild-tempered Nicole Richie (sarcasm alert!) set out on a road trip from Miami to Beverly Hills in a hot pink pickup.

The two half-dressed, not-so-bright celebutantes will stay with local families along the road and do an assortment of jobs, including stuffing sausages. It is truly pathetic that these two can’t even attempt the most menial tasks without failing miserably … but, then again, it is extremely funny to watch. Enjoy!