Paris, Nicole hit the road in Simple Life 2’
Are we all ready for another round of “The Simple Life 2” (Wednesdays, Fox)? Take a deep, cleansing breath everyone. The show debuted last week with a much smaller amount of fanfare than the first installment, which was timed perfectly with the release of Paris Hilton’s “Rich Girl Gone Wild” tape. However, as anticipated, the two celebutantes illustrated that no matter what the situation or the city, the word “normal” is not in their vocabularies.
The show opened with Paris and Nicole Richie on a $100K shopping spree before departing on their voyage across the South, where they’ll be penniless and without the safety net of their American Express Gold Cards. I, too, would have gone shopping and bought necessary items for an extended road trip, but, I’m not sure if miniskirts, stilettos and fur-lined bras would be on my list. Will they be helpful in a manual labor/farmlike setting? Don’t think so. Perhaps they were expecting to attend a late night rave in a barn along the way.
Moving on, the first stop for the reckless duo was at the Batten Family Ranch in Florida. I will spare you the details and skip ahead to the end – Paris got tossed from a horse and was airlifted to a hospital. Now, I know what you’re going to say, that’s not funny and she could have been hurt. Rest assured, Paris survived the fall and the minor bruise on her thigh was probably looked at by every one of Florida’s surgeons, who collectively gave her a clean bill of health, a couple of lollipops, and, I suspect, their phone numbers. Get back in the saddle, Paris.
Next stop on the road for Paris and Nicole was a “mermaid boot camp” at a water park, where they failed miserably and looked more like seagulls than mermaids. Let’s hope they have better luck this week when they stop in at a nudist colony to lend a hand or two. I have a hunch that laundry and ironing will not be one of their job requirements.
“The Next Action Star” (Tuesdays, NBC) also is heating up. I have no doubt that some of these Jean-Claude Van Damme hopefuls will someday be famous, but would it be too much to ask that they try to limit the talking? Seriously, having a beautiful physique and a raw talent to kick anyone’s butt is a gift – don’t ruin these strengths with some lame commentary. The only exception to this rule is Samuel L. Jackson. He is the only action star legally allowed to speak as far as I’m concerned. He’s one bad mutha.
Out of fear that the judges will ask the contestants to perform a scene from “Terminator 2,” and I’ll have to hear one of these amateurs utter the words “I’ll be back” (Arnold-style), I will be watching most of these shows on mute. Call me if they say something interesting – I can be reached at 1-800-I-DOUBT-IT.