Trip to Russia combines humor, history lessons

There Bond was in Moscow – Russia, not Idaho – poking around Red Square, the Kremlin, Gorky Park on “kind of a walking tour of John LeCarre’s ‘Russia House.’ ” That’s Bond, David Bond – the old Shoshone County Terrapin. The precious metals writer’d planned to interview three honchos from Norilsk Nickel Mining Co. But they’d been rounded up by the feds. So, David played tourist, peeking in on “the embalmed old butcher” Lenin and going for a taxi ride with assigned driver Igor, whom David describes as “a gigantic man originally from Vladivostok.” As they drove, David noticed “every third building in old Moscow is a Russian Orthodox church,” which he depicted as “massive, multi-colored, exotic structures, many with rooftops of gold and provenance predating the U.S. Constitution.” David: “Igor, how could a country with so many beautiful churches have been atheist for most of the 20th century?” “Ah, David,” replied Igor, smiling enigmatically, “Now you make Russian joke!” Read: Igor didn’t know either. And that’s what passes for Leno in the former U.S.S.R.

You’re Goin’ Down

An online friend, who’s a bit surly because she now has to wear glasses, test-drove the new local touristista themes for the summer. Seems Post Falls has embraced “It All Goes Down at the Falls.” Responds Ms. Neo 4-Eyes (and I use the term hesitantly because I’ve worn glasses most of my life): “I get the cute play on words ‘down’ and ‘falls,’ but my gut recollection on the term ‘goes down’ is street slang for a drug deal/bust.” Can’t quite see it … And CdA’s “Full On Summer”? Again: “What the heck does that mean? ‘Wild On Sports’ (a reality TV show)? Full-power rocket boosters? Full speed, flat out racing hot rod terms. Spring break Miami ad slogan?” … And: “I can’t quite see a group of golfers screaming, ‘Full on to the next hole!’ Or mom with a stroller saying, ‘It’s all going down at Silverwood; let’s go there’ ” … Wonder what Ms. N4E’d say about that Spokane slogan – you know, “Spokane. Near Nature. Near Perfect”?

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Kicking off duties as an emcee for the scholarship program Wednesday, Lake City High assistant principal Tom Mollgaard conjured an inept wizard who’s a character in a sci-fi book he’s reading. The I.W. is so bad he can cast only one spell: “Someday, you’ll get wet in the rain.” Tom’d barely uttered the story when a deluge hammered the auditorium so hard it sprung a leak. Water pooled stage right and then formed a shallow moat almost the entire length of the stage. Tom apologized throughout the program as the rain continued pouring. Toward the end, however, he weakened, telling of the time he and other teen lifeguards did a rain dance because they were tired of watching a pool. I didn’t hear the end of the story. Nor did others. We dived for the exits, hoping to reach our cars before the next cloudburst washed them away.

Poet’s Corner

“They’ll hold elections/When GI Joe leaves/And elect Ali Baba/Plus all Forty Thieves” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Democracy”) And: “If gasoline/Keeps going up/I’ll have to buy it/By the cup” – The Bard (“One Grande of Regular, Please”).

Huckleberries

Ex-49ers QB John Brodie, recovering from a major stroke, promised Baby Sis, Katie, he wouldn’t check election results Tuesday to see if she won her K-County commish race. He waited until the next day when Katie got off the plane in southern California to find out. And Katie’s bright smile as she deplaned told all … Mark Compton (no relation to state Sen. Dick Compton) is a Rankin Slayer of sorts. In chronological order, he has defeated Alice Rankin and The Ronfather himself in precinct committeeman races and then dispatched their daughter Kerri Thoreson to become K-Co. GOP veep Wednesday … GOP rep nominee Frank Henderson, who at 81 works out five times per week, was so impressed that I was able to stay up long enough to catch final primary results Tuesday he offered to be my personal trainer to improve my endurance further. Smart aleck … “It would appear that the group at Brix in the Black Rock duds must have wanted everyone to know that they are ‘High-Rollers.’ Seems to me like a good way to attract muggers” – Gary Smith of Spokane Valley re: the gaggle of duffers who flocked to CdA to be seen – and were heard grousing about Black Rock’s location in the middle of nowhere … Bumpersnicker: “As long as you don’t pray in my schools, I won’t think in your church” … Nah, the CdA Press story about owner Duane Hagadone’s megayacht Lady Lola wasn’t located next to one about subscription prices going up. The articles were in different sections May 22. Still …

Parting Shot

After learning his galpal had voted for “American Idol” Fantasia Barrino, an S-Reporter wondered if more Americans had voted in the TVeepstakes Wednesday than had voted in the primaries Tuesday. Nationwide, more than 65 million committed American Idol-atry. Meanwhile, only 24.14 percent of the registered K-County voters did their duty Tuesday. Could be the end of civilization as we know it.