Son too young to hear such upsetting news
Dear Annie: I have been married to my wife for over 20 years and recently found out my eldest son is not my biological child. Apparently, his father is my (ex) best friend. He and my wife kept this a secret for over 10 years. She claims he raped her. He claims it was consensual.
I always had been suspicious about the two of them, but both denied any wrongdoing. I finally insisted on a paternity test, which showed I am not the father. (My son thinks the test was for life insurance.)
Should I tell my 11-year-old son that his biological father is someone else? I raised him, and he always will be mine, but isn’t he entitled to this information? And, can my wife ever be trusted again? – Hurt and Confused
Dear Hurt: Please say nothing to your son. He is too young to be burdened with such inflammatory news. Apparently, your wife chose not to report this alleged rape to the police, and although she still can do so, it won’t accomplish much legally.
Did their liaison continue, or was it a one-time thing? On the assumption that it happened only once, regardless of whether it was consensual, we urge you to believe her version of events or forgive her. If necessary, get counseling to help you achieve peace and regain your trust. Yes, it can be done. But you must be willing.
Dear Annie: November is Diabetes Awareness Month. Approximately 17 million Americans have diabetes. I am a physician who specializes in treating patients with chronic wounds (a complication of diabetes) and want to warn them.
Nearly 60 percent of people with diabetes suffer from neuropathy, or nerve damage, and may not be able to feel pain in their feet. Because of circulatory problems, small cuts or blisters can be difficult to heal and in the most severe cases may result in amputation.
Please urge your readers to check their feet daily, always wear shoes and visit a podiatrist every 8 to 12 weeks. Any numbness or tingling in the feet should be reported immediately. Taking proactive steps to improve our overall health is one of the smartest things we can do. – Randy Shafritz, M.D., Medical Director, Bayshore Wound Care Center, Bayshore Community Hospital, Holmdel, N.J.
Dear Dr. Shafritz: Thank you for your timely reminder. Readers who would like more information should contact the American Diabetes Association (diabetes.org) at 1-800-DIABETES (800-342-2383).
Dear Annie: I was appalled at the letter from “Nameless,” who was worried about abusive parents and said, “There is no reason for children to bathe nude with their parents, ever.”
I shower with my toddler son, and not once have I come close to thinking about it in a sexual way. My husband is in the military, so I’m almost a single parent. I certainly can’t leave my son unsupervised while I lather, so if I don’t bring him into the shower with me, I’d never be clean. Before he gets up is too early for me, and his afternoon nap is too late. If I shower at night, my hair doesn’t look human in the morning, and hiring a baby sitter is ridiculous (and expensive).
I understand we all should be aware of the dangers of child abuse, but I don’t want to feel like a sicko because I shower with my 2-year-old, and until he notices the physical differences between us, I will continue. – Squeaky Clean in Washington
Dear Squeaky: In an effort to avoid any hint of inappropriateness, some people tend to go overboard. One must be cautious and vigilant, but also take care not to poison our world with fear. Thanks for writing.