Son can tell his wife to keep her hands to herself

Dear Annie: Recently at a family dinner, we had finished eating but were still sitting at the table. My daughter-in-law reached over and plucked a hair out of my son’s nostril, held it up, examined it and then brushed it off onto the floor.

Apparently, the hair had been firmly attached, because my son jumped about six inches. There was this big silence, but then conversation resumed, and no one said anything more about it.

I’ve seen the lady pinch my son’s arm before, and, of course, her mouth never stops, especially in front of their children, but I thought this was a particularly inventive level of public bullying. What do you think? – Ticked Off

Dear Ticked Off: OK, now we’ve heard everything. Ick. Your daughter-in-law is overly proprietary toward her husband, and plucking anything out of someone else’s body at the dinner table is appallingly ill-mannered. Nonetheless, your son (not you) should be the one to tell his wife to keep her follicle-pickin’ hands to herself, before she decides to clean his ears, too.

Dear Annie: You printed a letter saying that a verbal thank-you was sufficient if bridal shower gifts were opened in front of the givers. I disagreed strongly and wrote to tell you so. You sent back an e-mail, informing me that your etiquette information came from Emily Post and if I took issue with it, to contact Peggy Post, who has taken over writing the etiquette book. (She’s married to Emily Post’s great-grandson.) So I did.

After waiting many weeks to hear back from the Emily Post Institute, I finally received a reply. It seems they have changed their advice. Please tell everyone. – Concerned in Alabama

Dear Concerned: We don’t make the rules, we just print them. We, too, contacted the Emily Post Institute and were told that it has recently published a new, updated book. “The 17th Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette” by Peggy Post (Publisher: HarperCollins. Price $39.95. In Canada, $56.95) says that a written thank-you is now preferred, even if the giver was thanked personally at the shower.

The reason given is that most people these days expect written thank-you notes for shower gifts, and showers have grown into grander affairs than in years past, with more guests and more elaborate gifts making it difficult for the honoree to sufficiently extend her thanks in person.

For those of you who prefer the old-fashioned rules, this one may drive you wild: The book says that registering for honeymoons, savings accounts, homes, vacations and cars is just fine. The only caveat is that brides and grooms should not request these things directly. They should let their family members and friends pass the word. (This is not altogether different from an etiquette rule of long-standing that says if the bride and groom prefer gifts of money, they should discreetly let others inform the guests by word-of-mouth.)

Dear Annie: This is for “Frustrated in Denver,” whose husband has stopped telling her anything. I can tell you why I haven’t told my spouse anything in the last two years. She never lets me complete a sentence, so I finally gave up, and now I just listen. Whenever there’s a lapse in her monologue, I open my mouth, only to be interrupted once again.

Ask “Frustrated” how good a listener she is, and maybe she will have her answer. – Silent at Home but Not with Friends

Dear Silent: Thanks for providing a perfectly understandable reason why one spouse may give up speaking to the other. Readers, if this describes any of you, stop talking already.