He’s not laughing over nixed tickle sessions

Fri., Sept. 17, 2004

Steve and Mia Knight Ridder

Q: TICKLING!!! Just saying it makes me remember my single days! I was introduced to tickling 20 years ago by a woman I met at a club. She came back to my home, asked to be tied up and then requested to be tickled and not to stop even if she screamed for me to do so.

I obliged her, and the fun, laughter and passionate sex that followed were incredible. Since that time, I have playfully tickled or tied and tickled many, many women.

Now my problem: I got married and my wife is ticklish. She allowed me to tickle her before marriage, but not tied, and now refuses to even let me do it at all. I’d be willing to limit it to a few times a year. But she refuses. I am going crazy! Our sex life is fine otherwise. I just want to get back to having this little tickling fetish fulfilled every once in a while. Any solutions?

Mia: Everyone has different comfort levels, my friend. Some draw the line at tickling, others at putting on a Catholic school uniform and being spanked with a hairbrush. Either way, if your wife really hates tickling, there’s not a lot you can do. Maybe you can experiment and find a new fetish together?

Steve: Wait, are you saying a woman acted one way before marriage and then differently after the knot was tied? Imagine that. As for the problem at hand, I agree with Mia.

Q: My friend is absolutely terrific in bed, but I have one concern. On the first occasion that we hooked up, he gave me the longest, most mind-blowing kisses I have ever had. Since then it’s nothing but cursory lip exchanges before and during sex.

Should I be offended that he doesn’t kiss me the way I want anymore and that he won’t let me kiss him this way? I am satisfied in all other aspects of our relationship.

Steve: I grew up believing, as Betty Everett sang in 1964, “It’s in His Kiss.” Kissing was how you measured passion. But over the years I’ve learned that for some people, kissing isn’t that big a deal. Given the choice between good kisser/bad in bed and bad kisser/terrific in bed, most folks would probably choose the latter.

Mia: 1964? Steve, you are so prehistoric! And the song lyrics are so adorably retro. The seminal song when I came of age was Color Me Badd’s “I Wanna Sex You Up.” But anyway … some men view kisses as pointless foreplay once they know they’re actually going to get laid. Maybe, if you want to focus on making out, you should spend a night together and not have sex. That might get him to improve his lip locks.

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