If husband lets flirtation go on, there’s trouble

Dear Annie: My husband belongs to a private club, where wives are welcome. People often greet one another by kissing hello, goodbye or both.

For over a year now, a married barmaid who works at the club kisses my husband hello, goodbye and seven to eight additional times during the evening, whether I’m there or not. Recently, however, she has been leaning up against my husband’s back, putting her arms around him, kissing the side of his neck and rubbing up against him.

One evening, she cornered my husband at the bar and wouldn’t get out of his face until he said he loved her. To me, all of this is foreplay, but neither one of them sees it this way. She says they are just friends. If that’s the case, why doesn’t she behave this way when her husband is there? – Perplexed Wife

Dear Perplexed: We’re not sure we’d call it foreplay, but it definitely is serious flirting, and the barmaid seems to be taking it a bit further than propriety allows. If your husband has any sense, he’ll tell her to back off and restrict the kissing to the usual “hello” and “goodbye” cheek-smooch at the most. If that doesn’t work, he should register a complaint with her boss. Of course, if your husband refuses to put an end to this provocative nonsense, you have a different problem.

Dear Annie: I am concerned about my neighbor, “Tom,” and his wife. We have known them for 25 years. Two years ago, Tom had a stroke and lost his short-term memory, although he seems otherwise OK. His wife, “Nancy,” is not the most stable person. She had a nervous breakdown several years ago and has been on medication ever since. Nancy is now running Tom’s life, telling him what meds to take and driving him where she wants him to go. He has no life of his own.

Tom’s moods go up and down, and Nancy feels free to change his meds at will. She says the doctor gave her permission. I don’t believe it. I found out from their daughter that when Nancy wants Tom to sit quietly and do nothing, she gives him stronger doses so she won’t have to deal with him.

The daughter has tried talking to her mother, but no one can tell Nancy what to do. Since Nancy is the one who has to live with Tom, the daughter has basically washed her hands of the situation. I don’t think Nancy is stable enough to be in charge of someone else’s care. I fear that one day, Tom will just give up and wither away. What can I do? – Concerned Neighbor in Pennsylvania

Dear Concerned: Someone needs to talk to Tom’s doctor and inform him that Tom is having mood swings and his medication needs monitoring. It would be best if you could convince Tom’s daughter to speak to the doctor before giving up. This is her father. She should make more of an effort to get involved in his care.

Dear Annie: We would like to respond to the letter from “A Grieving Husband of 50-Plus Years,” who said people don’t write each other letters anymore.

My husband and I were married in 1990. Each and every day, we write each other a note in the morning. We tell each other how our sleep went and what the new day should bring. We tell each other how much we love one another and how much the other person means to us.

Believe it or not, we still have every single note, saved in a special notebook. So, in some cases, the Pony Express still survives. – Darryl & Cammy

Dear Darryl & Cammy: That’s quite a remarkable collection. You sound like a loving and deeply committed couple. Congratulations.