Harris hiring is government at its very best

This may come as a shocker to those of you who think you have me all figured out. But I am not troubled that yet another son of Phil Harris is suckling from the teat of Spokane County.

In fact, I see the county’s Harris hiring as one of those rare examples of governmental efficiency.

I am referring to news that broke while I was off vacating, leaving you poor readers with those annoying little blurbs at the top of the page: “Doug Clark is in rehab. His column may return later this month, depending on urinalysis results.”

To recap, Phillip Stephen Harris, namesake of the aforementioned county commissioner, has landed a job with the county’s Building and Planning Department.

To the best of my knowledge no favoritism, payoffs or death threats played a part in the hiring process. From what I gather from the news, the younger Harris’ extensive training as a failed California battery salesman made him the hands-down choice for a $33,450-a-year job at taxpayer expense.

For those of you collecting the trading cards, there are now three (3) Harris boys pulling down a county paycheck.

Phillip Stephen joins brothers Ron and Mark, who were ushered into the bosom of the county in 1996 and 1997, respectively. Ron, reported a story, was hired as a road maintenance employee. Mark, another high achiever, was brought on to perform maintenance duties at the fairgrounds.

As squeaky clean as all this appears, some naysaying ninnies are predictably shouting nepotism.

Nepotism? I don’t see why we have to bring religion into this.

The newspaper’s editorial board added to the braying. It called for the county to invoke an anti-Harrisment policy, presumably to head off a stampede of the commissioner’s kinfolk once they hear how easy it is to score wages and bennies down at the ol’ courthouse.

(Columnist’s note: I counted 248 Harrises in the Spokane/Coeur d’Alene DEX telephone directory, give or take a few who may have been overlooked due to inattention or faulty math. It was unknown at press time how many of these Harrises are genetically linked to Phil Sr. or unemployed.)

Once again, I’m stuck being the Voice of Reason.

But I say more Harrises equals better government.

Perhaps I’m just one of those optimists who always see the glass as half-full. Especially if the glass is half-full of tequila.

But anyone who has watched a beehive or a colony of ants or reruns of “The Dukes of Hazzard” has seen the power of relatives working together.

There are other positives as well.

The savings in bulk orders for Harris county name badges should be substantial.

Plus our Dudes of Harris can hold their own quorum over dinner and write off all the grub as a legitimate business expense.

I’ve always admired Commissioner Phil. He’s one of those plain-spoken, irascible, raw-knuckled, countrified coots that we paranoid, disenfranchised fringe voters find appealing. Phil’s a man’s man. A guy you could trust to tend your kids or castrate your livestock.

Phil once squared off against a petulant Commissioner John Roskelley during a heated debate over billboards.

“You better be careful, Phil. Don’t poke at me any more,” warned Roskelley, who was described by a reporter in a 2002 story as “reddening.”

Harris, positioning his swivel chair to face Roskelley, replied: “Or what? What are you going to do about it, John?”

Too bad it ended there. I would have loved to see the outcome of a commissioner cage match between these two. True, Roskelley is younger and a world-class mountaineer. But Phil’s a scrapper. He would have drop-kicked Roskelley to the top of Everest.

So welcome aboard Harrises! The more the merrier.

And for the record: I’m not just saying this because I plan to hit Phil up for a maintenance job when I wear out my welcome here.